Comparing Myself to His Ex-Girlfriend. Is the Other Girl Prettier than Me?

Written by: Arooj Paulus – B. Sc (Psychology)

Last updated date : October 06, 2022

Table of Contents Article title – DBT for anger
  1. Chapter 1
  2. Chapter 2
  3. Chapter 3
  4. Chapter 4
  5. Chapter 5
  6. Chapter 6
  7. Chapter 7
  8. Chapter 8

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“Is the other girl prettier than me”? This is a thought that often comes to the mind of your present or ex-partners. Jealousy is often common in them. You may find yourself comparing yourself to his ex-girlfriend. The idea of comparing yourself with his ex can be quite disturbing and hurtful. It may make you doubt yourself and your worth. Sadly, this is a common practice for some people. However comparing can be a sign of low-esteem or social anxiety, according to studies.

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Chapter 1:

How You Might Be Comparing Yourself to His Ex-girlfriend?

New relationships often make you curious to find out about your partner’s past. It is natural to can’t help yourself in this matter. But probing his past and then comparing the past and present is an unhealthy habit. You may want to probe their past and you might be comparing yourself to his ex-girlfriend in many ways.

Role of Social Media

Social media networks have made it easy to connect with and know people from all over the world. It is a small world now. Everyone is at easy access. So if your boyfriend casually mentions his ex and you become curious to find out on social media who she is, what she does, or whether the other girl is prettier than you. You naturally start to compare yourself to his ex. However, it becomes a problematic behavior if you start getting insecure of frequently comparing yourself to his ex-girlfriend. Your existing relationship as well as your mental health may suffer as a result.

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Chapter 2:

Why Do We Compare Ourselves to Others?

There is good stress and bad stress. Good stress motivates you while bad stress disturbs you and hinders you from achieving your goals. Similar differences exist between good and bad comparisons. Self-improvement requires healthy comparisons, while bad comparisons can damage self-esteem. Comparing ourselves to others provide us insight into what we want. As a result, you can be driven to compare yourself to others by your insecurity or poor self-esteem. We compare ourselves to his ex when we try to find our self-esteem via looks.

Reminder: Everyone is beautiful in their way. God has blessed everyone with something unique. You just have to find it. Similarly, everyone has different experiences in life. There is no race or deadline in your life. So do not be harsh on yourself. Give yourself some time and space to grow healthily.

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Chapter 3:

Why Do You Need to Stop Comparing Yourself to His Ex-girlfriend?

It is better to leave the past in the past as this can negatively affect your present as well. Unnecessary and excessive comparison can damage a relationship. It can cause you to

  • You overthink.
  • You start doubting yourself.
  • Negative and anxious thoughts are evident.
  • You often become jealous.
  • You often engage in arguments.
  • Insecurity can be rooting.
  • Conflicts arise in your relationship.

Therefore you need to stop comparing yourself to his ex. Keep in mind the harmful effects of comparing, stop it so that you can have a healthy relationship with your partner.

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Chapter 4:

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to His Ex-girlfriend?

Let us have a look at the ways which can help you to stop comparing yourself to their ex.

Keep In Mind the Positive Things of Your Relationship.

Focus on your present and the bond that you both share. Focus on your relationship’s strength. Comparing yourself to his ex will not only make you worry but also waste the energy that you can use on making your relationship strong with your partner and making beautiful memories with them. Such as spending some time together, going on a trip, or simply connecting with your partner. Recall the times when you two were there for each other. Recall the pleasant memories while also creating lovely ones for the future. Always keep in mind that, regardless of whether the other girl was prettier than you, she was once his past while you are now his present and future. Do not let your relationship suffer because of your insecurity.

Respect Who You Are.

Comparing you with others may be risky, especially if it is a competition. It builds hatred against other people and makes you unhappy with yourself. For instance, the other girl may be prettier than you, or more successful than you, but your partner loves you that is why he is with you. Focus on the qualities which your partners like about you. This will build your self-esteem also make your relationship strong. So you should acknowledge the uniqueness of yourself and your relationship.

Reminder: You are unique in your way. Acknowledge yourself for who you are.

Accept Others Past.

The experiences that people have during their adult lives are varied, and they all teach us something new. Different people have unique lives and equally unique life experiences. But one thing is the same everyone has a past whether it’s you or your partner. While the past may have been joyful or tragic. Therefore, instead of stressing and comparing yourself to his ex-girlfriend, he was with before you, find comfort in knowing that his exes had a part in forming the person he is now. Past experiences shape a person and maybe what you like about him now is because of his past.

Do Not Stalk His Ex.

Stop yourself from stalking your ex-girlfriend and comparing yourself to her on social media. Although you have easy access to everybody’s life it is better to cut off ties and unfollow her if you cannot help yourself to stop comparing to her. It can make you upset if you spend most of your time following their ex-girlfriend’s social profile. In addition, you can be drawing unneeded attention away from your partner and onto their ex. So just refrain from following his ex.

Think Critically.

You must go more deeply into the issue for knowing the underlying causes if you want to put an end to this harmful habit. Do you just want to know what she is like, is the other girl prettier than you, or may there be deeper fears at play here? As we discussed earlier that low-self or insecurity may be making you compare to her. First, tell your partner that if he keeps bringing up old memories, he has to stop since it can make you feel uneasy. Secondly, as mentioned below, you can seek professional help to handle your distress from comparing yourself to his ex-girlfriend.

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Chapter 5:

Call to Action

Comparing to his ex-girlfriend is often common when you start a new relationship so you can further read, “Starting a New Relationship – New Relationship Anxiety”, at Epsychonline. So that you may have more knowledge of how to create and sustain a relationship.

In addition, you can start a course, “DBT for Social Anxiety” to reduce your social worry and compare yourself in your relationship. Also, as low self-esteem is the cause of insecurity in relationships, you can start a course for “Low self-self” at Epsychonline.

We hope to be a help to you. Join right away!

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Learn evidence-based DBT for Anger skills

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  • Educational Content
  • Quizzes
  • Self-reflection material
  • Suggestions & feedback
  • Worksheet, tips & tools to use

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25% discount