Hot and Cold Friendships Among People

Written by: Harmandeep Kaur Grewal – MA (Psychology)

Last updated date : September 28, 2022

Table of Contents Article title – DBT for anger
  1. Chapter 1
  2. Chapter 2
  3. Chapter 3
  4. Chapter 4
  5. Chapter 5
  6. Chapter 6
  7. Chapter 7
  8. Chapter 8

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If you have friends then it is the best thing you can have. But, when your friends do not stand by you when you need them most then what is the purpose of this relationship. Also, you should be there for him or her when he needs you and not make an excuse for your absence. Moreover, you will seek your friend’s help rather than your relatives or parents because as a young person you feel that friends get you more than others. Also, friends are not forced upon us. But we have consciously chosen them as our companions. Furthermore, hot and cold friendships will put you in a never-ending circle that you cannot escape from it. Also, beware of inconsistent friendships as they are harmful to your well-being.

Additionally, when friends behave like strangers when you are in a problem then that friendship is of the only name. Moreover, friends should forgive each other and not keep grudges against each other. But fake friends do not stay for a long time and leave you when their motive is done.

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Chapter 1:

Hot and Cold Friendships

You see there are hot and cold friendships. Moreover, such inconsistent friendships can be harmful to you.

Your friend is happy and sad and he similarly reacts to you. And this makes you upset that he used you but you needed him, he was nowhere near you. Therefore, you maintained a distance from him. This will help you to move on with your life without getting agitated. But, you need to be strong mentally to take an action. Because your friends know your weaknesses and they try to use them against you when you offend them. Hence, make friends carefully. Most importantly, share your secrets with people whom you trust. Otherwise, you will feel betrayed. So, it is your responsibility to be active and careful in relationships.

Additionally, hold and cold friends are inconsistent. And you cannot rely on your friends for anything. They will always ditch you when you need them most. All of us want stability in our lives. And we hate people who forget about friends after their motive is met.

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Chapter 2:

Advantages of Having Friends Around

You will witness hot and cold friendships. Also, such inconsistent friendships can be harmful to you. But you need friends in life, real friends.

First of all, you feel a sense of belongingness with one another. You feel safe and secure with people who care for you. And you can pass your time with them. Another reason for having friends is that you stay happy. Moreover, you get to enjoy your time with friends. And you can go on a trip with your friends.

The second important reason for having friends is that your can share your painful experience with them. And it will help you cope with your problems better than being alone yourself.

Third of all, your friends are your emotional support. You can rely on them when you have a problem. And you can share your issues and ask for their opinions.

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Chapter 3:

Dealing With a Problematic Friend

There are hot and cold friendships. Moreover, such inconsistent friendships can be harmful to you. So, you should learn to deal with such people before they damage your well-being.

First of all, you need to avoid toxic relationships. If your friend is toxic then move out of your friendship. Because you deserve better than this. Also, your friend should not be a manipulative type. And she comes and goes at her pleasure and not bother about your feelings. And therefore, you feel like used by someone. Moreover, you can be very clear about what you want in a friend. And if someone tries to get close to you for ulterior motives then be aware. For instance, a girl in your class gets nice to you and becomes your friend. Later you feel that she copies your notes and disturbs you in the evenings. Then you need to maintain distance from that girl. Likewise, you should be mindful when making friends. Be smart and do not let anyone use you.

Secondly, be very clear about what you want in a friend. You want your friend to accompany you after college or school. And help you when you need her. Hence see if your needs are met. Also, try to accommodate the needs of your friend then only she will stay with you.

Next of all, you can forgive your friend when you get in a fight with her. And resolve your issues by talking. Moreover, drop your ego for a better relationship. Moreover, see how long you have been friends. And you cannot break your friendship over tiny things.

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Chapter 4:

Be Assertive When You Need To

You need to know that hot and cold friendships are present in life. Moreover, such inconsistent friendships bring stress to you.

You are a self-made person and you can take a stand for yourself. When you feel like being used then assert your rights. You need not feel defensive and insecure and act before things go out of hand.

Also, you can each give feedback to one another. And share your views of another person. Most importantly don’t hurt her feelings. You can be honest but try not to be bitter. As you see she will be the same as you. And you may not like it. Therefore, you hold your tongue in case you feel like losing control. Furthermore, forget the past and make new memories.

Next of all, you should be careful who you chose as your inner circle. As you know you can share a lot of your secrets with friends. And your friends should be trustworthy. Otherwise, you will feel unsafe and insecure. Never trust a person who tries to get things out of you. Be aware of your surroundings.

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Chapter 5:

Hot and Cold Friends

You see there are hot and cold friendships. Moreover, such inconsistent friendships can be harmful to you.

You need to know that people when they need something from you will act nice. ANd later go cold. And you are left feeling deceived and depressed. Therefore, you need to avoid such a scenario and take care of yourself. Moreover, if you are in a friendship where you feel trapped then you will feel suffocated.

Secondly, it is all about them. they do not listen to you. And load their burden on your shoulders. And you start to dislike their presence. Moreover, later you will eventually break your friendship. Another reason is that these kinds of friends may not be true to you. When you tell all your secrets they would hesitate to share their own. So, you feel uneasy with them.

Third of all, you can never count on them. And you are left alone with your problems. For instance, your friend took money when he needed it. Later when you were in need then he made an excuse and did not help you at all.

Next of all, there is a pattern of their behavior. They come and go when they want to and do not bother about your feelings. So you need to maintain distance from such people.

Information

For more information, please click “Courses” on the navigation bar and check out our online courses on the site. The course titled ‘Low Self Esteem‘ contains more information on the topic.

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Learn evidence-based DBT for Anger skills

69 Lessons

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