How to Know If You Have Anger Issues!
Written by: Meenakshi Joshi – M Sc (Psychology)
Table of Contents
How to Know If You Have Anger Issues!
Do you feel like you get upset at small things? Are you someone who cannot relax? Do you get mad easily? Can you cool down when you get angry? Do you take out your anger on others? How to know if you have anger management issues?
Chapter 1:Do You Have Anger Issues?
Do You Have Anger Issues?
To know if you have anger issues, go through the checklist below
- Does it bother you when things don’t go your way?
- Do you shout at others frequently?
- Are you irritated most of the time?
- Have you thrown things more than a few times?
- Do you get mad very fast?
- Do you fight a lot with your friends or family members?
- Does it take you a long time to calm down after you are upset?
- Is it hard for you to get over things?
- Do you find it difficult to forgive others?
- Can you accept your fault or mistake?
If you say “yes” to most of the above statements then it is highly likely that you have anger issues. This is a start to accept or at least know that you have anger management issues. Additionally, if you have anger management issues, then the people around you will say that “you get angry too fast”, or call you “short-tempered”. Also, you will feel restless and frustrated about many things.
Once you know that you have anger management issues, then you can first try to understand the reason behind your anger and take steps to control your anger.
Chapter 2:Understanding Why You Have Anger Issues
Understanding Why You Have Anger Issues
We all get angry. However, you get angry only for certain things or in certain situations. For example, you might get angry if someone insults you or tries to hurt you. But this anger is sometimes justified because of the other person’s behaviour. Also, you might get angry because you are hungry or in a bad mood on a particular day. If you are not feeling well, then it might make you less patient.
Also, you might get angry with yourself if you feel that you have made a mistake or forgotten something. For example, you get to the car and then realise that you forget the keys in the house.
A simple way to know that you have anger issues is to
- Check if you get angry a lot – do you get angrier than most people around you?
- Do you get angry for even small things – Do little things that do not make others angry, bother you a lot? Do they make you lose your temper?
- Can you not control your anger – When you get angry, do you lose control of yourself? Do you say or do things that are wrong and harmful to others?
- Take a long time to calm down – Does it take a long time for you to calm yourself?
- Regret afterward – After a while, once you calm down, do you feel guilty for what you have done?
You know if you have anger management issues! You know that all these things are true for you!
Chapter 3:Some Reasons Why You Get Angry
Some Reasons Why You Get Angry
To get a better understanding of your anger, you need to first know why you tend to get angry so much. Once you are aware of the root cause, then you can work on it and reduce your frustration.
Unresolved conflicts
Most of the time, you tend to get angry because you are not okay from within. Your mind is not calm. There could be some conflicts or issues that you have not solved that are bothering you.
For example, Neel tends to get angry very quickly when someone points out that he might have made a mistake or he might be wrong. This happens at work too. Even a simple mild negative feedback can make him mad. His capacity to accept feedback or any kind of reprimand is very low.
The root cause of this issue is Neel’s childhood experiences with his father. As a child, Neel got a lot of scolding and criticism from his dad. His dad would focus on Neel’s mistakes and flaws and would rarely say anything good about him.
As a grown-up, Neel started associating “feedback” or any negative comment with “being scolded” and feelings of “being a loser” and “not being good enough”. With therapy, Neel came to know that anger management issues come from this childhood feeling. He was able to overcome his feeling of worthlessness and inferiority.
Personality and nature
You might have anger issues if you have that type of nature or personality. Some people have a very irritable nature e.g., they get irritated quickly, they are restless, and have very little patience. In such cases, you might have anger issues. You will not be able to handle stressful situations and will panic. Due to this panic and high level of anxiety, you might react with anger quickly.
However, you can work to change your nature. With continuous efforts and hard work, you can even change your personality to a certain extent or at least you can learn to control these things.
High expectations from others and self
You might get mad quickly because you get disappointed due to what you or others do. When you have high expectations from yourself or a loved one, and you or they are not able to fulfill them, then you might get upset.
For example, you expect your spouse to share household work duties. It is their job to load the dishwasher which they do every night after dinner. However, you get up the next morning and find all the dirty dishes in the sink. Such instance where your loved one or a person who you expect to do something, do not play their part or fulfill their duty can lead to you getting mas with them. This happening repeatedly can lead to you having some serious anger issues.
Also, this can happen when you have set high standards for yourself too! For example, you know that you have anger issues and you want to control them. So, you have set some goals for yourself. But every time you are not able to control your anger, you get angrier and angrier about it. This will work to increase your anger issues because you have very strict rules and expectations from yourself. You have made it hard for yourself and this is making things worse.
Self-defense
Sometimes, you use anger to hide your flaws and faults. You use it as a weapon to defend your wrongdoings. It is almost like if you shout louder then you won’t hear others. Also, you shout loud to not hear the voice inside your head. We tend to protect ourselves and hide from what we have done wrong.
Sometimes, you have some insecurities and fears. You show these fears indirectly via anger. For example, you fear that your partner would leave you and hence you tend to get angry at their smallest mistake and make them feel guilty about what they have done to you. This is nothing but your fears about losing them coming out as anger. You are using anger as a shield and as a weapon to protest your interests.
If you have such anger issues and would like to learn more about how to control them, please visit our courses page and take up a course that will help you to control and reduce your anger in a good way.
