Asking For Help - Do You Have Trouble With It

Written by: Dr. Ilbey Ucar PhD (Psychology)

Last updated date : December 14, 2022

In our lives, we have many instances that we need other’s help. Regardless of where we come from, collaboration makes everything a lot less difficult. When we need assistance we can ask our closest friends and family, or even strangers. If we politely ask for help, people are more than happy to give it to us. However, sometimes we fear asking for help. Anyone can develop this fear. However, if you avoid asking for help at all times, you can be at a disadvantage.

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Chapter 1:

Why Do We Need Help?

We are evolved to live in groups and fend for ourselves and family. Receiving support is actually a given, in human life. Without helping each otherwise couldn’t have built kingdoms, republics or countries. From the family unit to the workplace, everyone could get someone’s cooperation when times are tough. So yes, help is an essential part of a quality in our lives. Split image, worried girl afraid to ask for help, other image speaks with 2 female friends & sipping tea

Chapter 2:

Do You Have Trouble Asking for Support?

Most people who have trouble asking for help, are in fear. They fear rejection. They do not want to be seen as vulnerable. Some people think that it is weak to ask for help. So, they completely avoid it, although it could be really helpful. There are many reasons why we have trouble asking for help. Given below are some reasons why we don’t ask for help.

Chapter 3:

Why You Avoid Asking for Help?

Feeling inferior
If you feel small or weak when asking for help, you may avoid asking for it completely. This can be due to other people putting this idea on to you. If you have been told that asking for support is weak, chances are you actually believe it. This can be solely due to your thinking too. If you are a person that looks at people who ask for help as weak individuals, this could play a part in this too. So you try to avoid other people’s poor judgements about you asking for help.
Bad experiences
We all have been rejected of assistance at some point in our lives. If you’ve had a bad experience when getting help in the past, y you are likely to avoid getting help in the present. You fear that every time it is going to be the same. Having your feelings hurt when you were in a vulnerable position surely stays with you for a long time.

Further, if you have been conned in the past or blackmailed after you received help, you might avoid asking for help. You do not want to risk going through all of that again. So, you chose a safer way.

A bad habit that prevents you from asking for help is assuming others will not respond positively. If you victimize everyone, for sure you won’t get any assistance. Assuming people will not help you and not asking for it will rob you of even the tiniest chances to get support.
You don’t want to depend on other people
Another reason, you may avoid asking for aid may be because you don’t want to be a burden on others. You might think that you are disturbing others. So, you avoid asking for aid. This may be due to your kindness or empathy. However, this behaviour will have its consequences. Especially during an emergency, if you are reluctant to bother people, this could even cost lives.
You can’t repay the favor
When we get help, some of us are not happy until we pay them back. So when we know that we can’t repay others due to some financial or personal reason we avoid asking for it as a whole. Even if their support is crucial, you feel guilty to ask for it.
Your personality type is another deciding factor to see whether you ask for assistance or not. Here are some examples of how different personality traits prevent you from getting aid.
  • Introverts prefer to save energy from interacting with people, so they will not ask for help.
  • Avoidant personalities avoid vulnerable moments like asking for help.
  • Perfectionists try to do everything by themselves and appear perfect
  • People will social anxiety will fear to have a conversation of asking for help

There are so many personality traits that could influence your decisions. It is completely alright if you prefer doing things on your own. However, when you need it, it’s best to ask for help. You can learn about them from the free resources on our website or by getting in touch with one of our psychologists.

Chapter 4:

Will Getting Help Benefit Us?

Yes. Definitely. It is very easy and less stressful to be in helpful environments. Being open to receive help has a lot of benefits. Here a few, we put together.
Learn new things
When other people help us, they give us their valuable input. Their input can have new and unique ideas. The way they do things could be different. We can always come across such easy tips and tricks to go about life. For instance, your friend introduces you to a tip that will save electricity. You will be grateful for it costs you less for electricity now.
Helps to take the next step
Have you ever got stuck at a certain level, when playing video games? You can’t continue playing until you complete the level you are currently at. Likewise, in life, there are instances that we need to overcome, in order to take the next step. Just like a video game, no matter how hard you try you just cannot move forward. So at times like these, it is essential to ask for the guidance of others. Having that sort of support allows us to take the next step, reach our next goal in life.
You become productive
When you have the aid of others, it is easier to delegate work and finish the task faster. You become more productive as the stress is not all on you. Less stress means a reduction of feeling tired or burned out. Hence, making you more efficient. Additionally, you will not be bored of working alone. Hence, there will be no lethargy or sleepiness in you. You feel relaxed when people are there to pitch in with you. Even if it’s a single person job, being around helpful people will make you feel far more secure.
Becomes approachable
When you get help from others it shows that you are open to others. You seem very approachable to others. As you trust others with their support, it also shows that you can trust them individually. Therefore, others can always count on you and ask for support, openly. Moreover, people get happy that you see their aid as of good value.
Shows self-awareness
Having to ask for help is also identifying that you lack certain skills or time to accomplish some task. You have to be self-aware to do that. When you ask for help unapologetically, this shows that you know yourself enough to identify your strengths and weaknesses. Other people will see you as an honest person who is confident to ask for assistance when needed.

So, if you think that asking for help can be seen as a weakness, you are wrong. Instead, people actually see this as confidence. It’s not too late to work on the fear of asking for help. Remember we are all just trying our best too.

Chapter 5:

Tips to Get Help

Start small
If asking for help makes you very anxious, it is best to first practice it with people you are comfortable with. Your family or friends will be the best option. Since they are not strangers to you, they have a higher chance of saying agreeing to help. Ask them for help if you have trouble with studying or even if you are struggling with your mental health. Be honest and communicate your feelings. Always keep in mind that, we all have times where we need help from others.
Be polite
It’s important to know that people have their own struggles and obligations in life. So, we can’t demand help in a manner that is disrespectful to others. When you need help ask politely and inquire whether they have the capacity or time to help you out. Your fear of rejection will also subside when you ask for help in a decent manner.
Pick up cues
If you fear bad responses or rejection when asking for help, picking up on people’s cues will assist you in avoiding potential negative responses. When you learn to observe the body language, social cues of people it is easy to avoid bad experiences that you might fear. The more you practise this, the more you get comfortable with receiving support. When you do it the right way, even if help is rejected, you will know that there are valid reasons for it and people have a lot going on as well.
Don’t postpone
Waiting until the last minute to ask for assistance will rarely get you any. Understand that other people can’t always be looking out for you. So, do not expect them to be there whenever you need them. If you realize that you will need some support a good while before finishing a task, it’s best to inform others and ask for assistance then and there. The earlier you ask, the better resources and time they can pitch in to guide you.

Moreover, do not wait until something goes wrong to get support. This might show a lack of respect for the ones you ask for guidance from.

However, there are always exceptions where we have to ask for help out of the blue or in a rushed state. it is completely okay to do so. Understand that emergencies happen, and ask for assistance without going through it alone.

Calling an old friend for assitance, after meeting up with an accident in their neighbourhood.

Be social
Shyness or being an introvert can get in the way of getting support. May it be your preference or not it is important to learn to socialize to some extent, in order to have support in an emergency. Start by helping others and being friendly with people. Get to know the people around you such as your neighbours or colleagues. Having strong relationships with people will make it easier for you to ask for help, as you have mutual trust and care for each other.

If you have pride and see yourself as superior to others, people are less likely to give you assistance. We need to let go of the belief that others are supposed to serve us because of the titles, position or power we may have over them. Remember, we can’t demand help.

Help others
Make a habit to help others when needed. When you get used to being there for others, you become comfortable with asking for support. You realize that helping someone is not a big ask, most of the time. Therefore, when you try to understand from a helper’s perspective, your fears of asking for assistance can reduce.

As we all need one another’s support, it is important to be kind and open to giving and receiving it.

Chapter 6:

What Happens When You Are Helpless?

There are many issues that you might face if you do not have the support you need. You can get overly stressed when you try to do everything by yourself. This could result in poor sleep, nutrition and mental health that is crucial for a healthy lifestyle. Further, you will have a high chance of being ill.

Sometimes, you might let the frustration of not getting help out on others. This includes behaving violently, getting into conflicts and being rude to others. You start to project the anger you have for yourself to others. This will interfere with your social life and the respect people have for you as well.

Avoiding getting backup even in an emergency will have a lot of bad effects. Your habit of avoiding help can potentially harm someone’s life. You will instantly regret if something happened because of your choices. You will go through trauma or grief for a long time too.

Maybe you want to get help, but too shy to ask for it. In a situation like this, you might beat yourself up for it. Hence, there’s a possibility that you will go through other mental health issues like anxiety or sadness. If you’re already struggling to get help for a condition such as depression, the risk of self-harm is increased.

Therefore, it is important to be able to talk to your closest friends or family. In addition, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) could help you practice asking for help too. With the correct guidance of a professional, this could produce good results.

Chapter 7:

We Are Here for You

We know that asking for help can be difficult for you. Further, we understand that other people could not have enough resources or time to help you out. So, don’t worry. We are there to listen to you and support you through anything that you have trouble with. feel free to be yourself as we provide you with a safe space. You can get in touch with our qualified psychologists through our friendly team. You’re welcome to contact us for support.

"Quizzes and recommendations were very uselful" Donna

87 sections

6-Weeks Self-Paced

  • Educational Content
  • Quizzes
  • Self-reflection material
  • Suggestions & feedback
  • Worksheet, tips & tools to use

$9.00 $12.00

25% discount