Grief After Miscarriage- How to Heal From It?

Written by: Ankita Kathad – MA (Clinical Psychology)

Last updated date : February 26, 2023

Miscarriage can be a heartbreaking event for both parents. It is also poorly addressed. People around the woman may not be able to understand what she is going through. This is because many people may not be able to relate to what she is going through. This article deals with grief after miscarriage. We understand how to heal emotionally after a miscarriage.


Chapter 1:

What Happens During a Miscarriage?

In simple terms, miscarriage is the loss of a fetus. A woman may experience heavy bleeding. Other symptoms include cramping, weakness, and pain in the pelvic region. Additionally, there can be a flush of blood clots or tissues. Sadly, nothing can be done to prevent this event. Doctors will provide medicines to prevent infection. Eventually, the tissues, sac, and placenta will pass out. Depending on the stage of pregnancy, miscarriage can feel and appear differently for different women.

Chapter 2:

Grief After Miscarriage

For any mother, this is a very emotional event. This is because a woman may not know when it happens. Moreover, when this happens, women often blame themselves for it. However, in reality, there is no one cause for it. A woman can experience a range of emotions when she loses her fetus. This can range from sadness to anger and withdrawal at times. Here are some commonly found emotions:
  1. The woman can feel confused and panic a lot
  2. Moreover, she can get angry, frustrated, and irritated.
  3. There can be loneliness as others may not understand her pain.
  4. The woman may not be able to concentrate well. Moreover, there can be a lack of motivation.
  5. She may feel extremely guilty for having caused the event.
  6. There can be physical symptoms like headaches.
  7. The woman can feel like a failure.
  8. Additionally, there can be fear for future pregnancies.

There can be feelings of sorrow whenever the mother opens her medical record such as ultrasound images. When she sees other pregnant women, there can be feelings of jealousy. Other instances such as the baby’s due date or children’s day can bring back memories of the fetus and make her mood miserable.

Grief after a miscarriage can come in episodes or come all at once. The mother can feel a void in her life after the loss. Even after the grief has worn off, it may return at some point for some mothers. For instance, when she sees toddlers or infants outside. The intensity of the grief can depend on various factors. When the loss happens at a later stage in the pregnancy, the grief can be more. This is because the mother has spent more time with the fetus and there is more attachment.

Chapter 3:

How to Heal Emotionally After a Miscarriage

It is very important to get support and heal from a miscarriage. The guilt can make the mother’s mental health worse. This can lead to a lack of self-confidence and low mood, and at times lead to post-traumatic stress disorder in mothers. This loss is also less understood. Some cultures provide opportunities for the mother to grieve after a miscarriage. This is done in the form of providing emotional support to the woman. Moreover, other women in the house try to understand the woman’s pain by talking to her. If you are someone who has experienced a miscarriage recently, here are some other ways in which one can heal emotionally after a miscarriage.

Understand the Grief

It is important to recognize the grief. There can a lot of confusion after the loss of a fetus. You may experience many emotions at a time. It is possible that people around you may share all your emotions or understand none of them. However, it is you who should recognize and validate your emotions. Once you understand that you are going through pain, you can take effective steps toward addressing them. Allow yourself to feel sad. Do not suppress your pain. Take some time off to understand what has happened. You can take some time off from work and allow yourself to recover physically and emotionally from the pain.

Talk It Out!

Find support around you and talk to people. You can talk to your spouse about how you feel. The spouse too may experience grief after miscarriage. They may not be able to express themselves openly. Once you share your pain, they will also be able to open up. It is absolutely normal to grieve for a baby you had not met. You both may have had many dreams for the baby and it is normal to grieve for the loss of those dreams. If talking to your spouse is not an option, talk to your family or friends. Talking helps you to verbalize your pain and emotions. It helps you feel connected with others.

Connecting With Your Baby

If you have been feeling empty and helpless, try to connect with the baby. This can be done in a symbolic way. You can connect with them by writing a letter to them. Many mothers feel that the miscarriage was their fault. Writing a letter can be a cathartic experience for them to pour out their emotions. There are other ways of connecting with the baby such as planting a sapling in their memory or making a donation in their name. These methods can help the mother find some closure.

Eat, Sleep and Rest

Whenever there is grief after a miscarriage, it is difficult to stick to your routine. However, during the miscarriage, the woman becomes very weak. It is important to take good care of the body by eating healthy food. Moreover, the woman also needs to take a good amount of sleep to recover from the physical pain. Take a good amount of rest to feel better physically. Engage in meditation or introspection. Spend time with yourself but don’t be too pushy. Don’t isolate yourself.

Change of Environment

Go for a small vacation or an outing. This will help you find some mental peace. Additionally, when you suffer from a loss, there can be a lot of confusion. Travelling or spending time with nature can help you feel a little better. Moreover, it can offer you time with your partner or yourself to introspect.

Seek Expert’s Help

Grief can be overwhelming. There are many women who suffer from Post-traumatic stress disorder if the grief is not treated. This can lead to many other problems. Therefore if you see that your symptoms persist and are interfering with daily life, see a counselor. Sometimes, it is helpful to talk to an expert who can help you understand your pain and emotions better. Moreover, they can help you learn better ways to heal emotionally after a miscarriage.

Chapter 4:

Moving Past the Grief After Miscarriage

Grief after a miscarriage can be short-term or prolonged. Losing a child can be an extremely tough event. Sometimes, this grief can prevent the woman from living her life to the fullest. The self-blame can lead to depression or anxiety. When not addressed, it can lead to somatic symptoms and chronic pain. If you have suffered from a miscarriage and are experiencing chronic pain, courses at Epsychonline can help you overcome them. Courses like Chronic Pain and Chronic fatigue help you overcome these conditions. At Epsychonline there are several articles that help you understand grief better. These courses and articles are created by experts in the field. Do check them out.

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