You might be having this question- Is my relationship with my mom healthy? Why is my relationship with my mother so difficult? A mother plays an important role in everyone’s life. Also, the relationship with your mom needs to be healthy so that you can develop other relations in your life. But, there can be times when the relationship goes sour. It makes us feel stressed out too. But, the good part is that being aware of the causes and what makes a relationship healthy helps. This article helps to understand what makes the relationship with your mom healthy. It also gives tips to understand how to make the relationship healthy.

  There are many reasons why your relationship with your mother is difficult. You also feel like making the relationship with your mom healthy. Some of the reasons could be –

• Your mother is dismissive. This means that instead of helping you she tends to ignore what and how you are feeling. If this keeps happening then over some time the relationship with your mother can get difficult.
• The conflict between both of you. Most of the time if we do not like or agree with another person’s opinion then we tend to fight. If there is a difference of view between your mother and you then it can eventually make the relationship go bad.
• Attention. Either not receiving attention or doing things to take attention makes them find more ways of seeking attention. If it starts to get focused more on one person then you notice that most of the conversations end up in an argument. This is also because we feel our needs are not receiving the attention that it needs. For example, You tell your mother you are unwell. Instead of doing things to make you better, she might instead say how she has never received any help when she was unwell.
• If your mother is emotionally cold or not available. If she is distant about your emotions then it can result in a difficult relationship with your mother. It also makes your relationship with your mom not healthy.
• If you notice you are constantly mothering your mom then it is hard. It means that you have to dismiss your own emotions as a child and focus more on meeting their needs. This leads to a lot of stress. It also makes you feel abandoned.

You might notice that your relationship with your mom is not healthy. Suddenly, every small talk with her tends to fire up. No matter what you do it feels harder. You always wanted a healthy relationship with your mom but right now it seems difficult.

• Learn to enjoy your growing up. Most of the time when we realize we have grown up, we start separating from our mothers. This separation can sometimes be hard for a mother to take. This is the hardest but also a time to form a healthy relationship with her. It is okay to have your own goals, dreams, and ideas. But, it is also important to understand what your mother expects from you as an adult.
• Start looking for what you want. When we grow up, we change. This change also means our choices and decisions also differ from our parents. Your mom might not like what you decide but it is important to be firm and also choose the best for you.
• You cannot always make your parents happy. You are not a happiness bar. It is okay if they are unhappy with what you decide. But you must sit down and discuss with them your view.
• When we grow up we start seeing more mistakes and faults. We also find that what was earlier was okay now it seems like a mistake. Hence, it is important to accept your parent as they are with all their good and bad qualities.

There are many things that you can do yourself to improve your equation with your mother. This makes you feel more in control of yourself. Below are some tips that you can practise-

• To make your relationship with your mom healthy, you can also treat her as your friend more than a mother. This reduces the burden of seeing mistakes and accepting her as she is.
• Practice being open. If something bothers you then it is best to share and sort it out rather than thinking about it. You can sit down with your mother and talk to her.
• Listen actively when she is talking with you.
• Be empathetic to understand what she is going through and how it impacts her.
• Use open-ended questions while talking. For example, ‘Please tell me, How it made you feel when we fought the other day?”
• Use ‘I’ statements. This helps to make your mother feel heard. Also, it does not make her feel that you are blaming her. For example, you can say ‘I feel angry when you talk to me about me not cleaning my room.’

We all want a healthy relationship with our mom. No matter how much we fight and argue, we all need a mother. But, sometimes no matter what you do it does not seem to improve. You can seek the help of a counselor. This makes you sort out the issues that you have. Most of the time, we need to change our internal thoughts and how we feel. This work makes you feel more in control of yourself. It also helps when you are dealing with your mom. It makes it easier. Following the above-mentioned tips is helpful.

We also have a lot of courses on mental health on our epsych online website. There is one course on perfectionism. This course helps us to know how it impacts our mental health. You can enroll in a course online and learn more about it. Take the first step today towards building your mental health.