Starting a new Relationship – New Relationship Anxiety

Starting a new Relationship – New Relationship Anxiety

Starting a new Relationship - New Relationship Anxiety

Last updated date : August 17, 2021

If real life was a romantic comedy, your relationship would go something like this: the ultimate first meeting would have you locking eyes and knowing in your soul that they’re The One from the first look. (Going on sweet romantic dates, sunset strolls holding hands). To no one’s surprise, relationships tend to grow a little less cinematically in real life. The beginning of relationships are tough to steer but can also make or break the longevity of your romance. Read on to learn more about new relationships, new relationship anxiety, and tips for starting a new relationship off on the right part.

Shy girl and romantic boy feeling relationship.
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Chapter 1:
New Relationships Energy - Core of Starting a New Relationship

New relationship energy is a state of mind which we can experience in new romantic relationships. This involves intimacy and deep feelings. In addition, NRE begins with our new attractions and, with time, grows into full force when there’s mutuality. However, it’s possible for this to fade over time. The term indicates a difference between those feelings aroused in an “old” or ongoing relationship.

New relationship energy is generally considered desirable, perhaps nearly necessary in starting to form deep emotional bonds. However, it can also temporarily twist perceptions and judgements and this must be taken into account. These twists of perception do not automatically imply that the attraction is unreal or will not last. Indeed the most lasting romantic bonds do begin with NRE. However, this does not mean that most relationships that begin with NRE would lead to lasting romantic bonds. It’s because of the issues that can come with the end of NRE. Only that the immensity of positive feelings is better than it is later. Awareness rather than avoidance or ignorance is better when dealing with this new relationship energy.

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Chapter 2:
Why Relationships Matter?

Love is one of the most critical intense emotions known to human beings. There are many kinds of love,

  • Affectionate Love.
  • Enduring Love.
  • Familiar Love.
  • Romantic Love.
  • Playful Love.
  • Obsessive Love.
  • Self Love.
  • Selfless Love.

However, many people seek its expression in a romantic relationship with a well-suited partner. For these individuals, romantic relationships are one of the most meaningful sides of life. They are a source of deep commitment.

Research shows that good relationships usually help:

  • People live longer
  • Deal with stress better
  • Have healthier habits
  • Have stronger resistance to colds

Humans are social beings. The quality of our relationships influences our mental, emotional and physical health.

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Chapter 3:
New Relationship Anxiety - Learn before Starting a New Relationship

Lovely couple with relationship.

You’re in a relationship with a great compatible person who you love. You develop trust and establish boundaries together. However, at the same time, you might find yourself questioning your partner and the relationship.

Will things last forever?

How do you  know  exactly if this person is  the right one for you?

What if they’re hiding some dark secrets from you?

What if you’re not capable of having a good, committed relationship?

This constant worrying has its name: relationship anxiety. Learning about relationship anxiety might help you when starting a new relationship.

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Chapter 4:
Is Relationship Anxiety Normal, When you are Starting a New One?

Relationship anxiety is extremely common

Astrid Robertson

Some people experience relationship anxiety when starting a new relationship. This could be even before they know their partner has an equal interest in them. Or, they might be unsure if they even want a relationship.

However, these feelings can also come up in committed, long-term relationships. Over time, relationship anxiety can lead to:

  • emotional pain
  • lack of motivation
  • tiredness or emotional weariness
  • stomach upset and other physical concerns

Your anxiety does not result from anything in the relationship itself. But it can eventually lead to behaviours that create problems between you and your partner.

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Chapter 5:
What are some starting signs of new relationship anxiety?

New relationship anxiety can show up in many different ways. On the other hand, these anxious thoughts sometimes grow and creep into your daily life. You may be starting to feel these common signs when you have new relationship anxiety.

  • You overthink all the time
  • Worrying your partner wants to break up
  • Missing out on the good times
  • Always break your boundaries to please your partner
  • You are afraid to be in a serious relationship
  • Sabotaging the relationship. For example, picking arguments with your partner or testing relationship boundaries.
  • Doubting long-term compatibility

Your anxiety isn’t who you are. Maybe it’s effecting your relationship. But it doesn’t mean that you and your partner won’t have a good relationship.

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Chapter 6:
What causes it?

You may not be aware of a reason for the anxiety. But no matter how it presents, the underlying reasons generally reflect a longing for connection.

Astrid Robertson

Here are some common causes that might play a role in this new relationship anxiety:

  • A tendency to question
  • Attachment style
  • Low self-esteem
  • Previous relationships
  • Not being more mindful
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Chapter 7:
Can you overcome this?

Boy giving flower to girl.

It might not feel like it at the moment, but relationship anxiety can be overcome. However, it does take some time and some effort. Someone’s anxiety doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a fundamental problem in the relationship, and indeed they may be well-loved. But until they have felt that all is well, that they indeed are safe and secure, the anxiety will likely continue.

I think the best way to truly conquer relationship anxiety is to protect the relationship. So you’ll have nothing to be worried about. However, we all know relationships are complicated and confusing. However, here are some four proven tips that can help you get the ball rolling.

  • Practice good communication
  • Maintain your identity
  • Avoid acting on your feelings
  • Talk to a Therapist

No relationship is sure, and that can be hard to accept. Sometimes you may not be able to avoid this anxiety completely. But there are healthy ways you can identify to reduce anxiety and spend more time enjoying yourself with your partner.

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Chapter 8:
Personality and Relationships

Someone’s personality can be an essential supporter of their ability to have a healthy and fortunate relationship. Being shy or outgoing, open to new things or repellent of, or generally unstable or diligent  determines what kind of person the partner may be. However, the effect of a single attribute on a person’s life outcomes can only differ significantly, and many people find a way to assist a partner’s emotional needs.

Personality can affect someone’s ability to find happiness in their relationships, but it is never the only point and it does not have to be a problem. Someone who had a terrible childhood may be apprehensive about the safety of their adult relationships or may keep away from commitment altogether. However, a recognition of one’s propensity to resist or stress out about finding love, and preparedness to talk to partners about it, can help a specific person to manage their challenges and find a path to a healthy, fortunate long-term relationship.

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Chapter 9:
Starting a New Relationship - Do's and Don'ts

LESSONS FROM 14 YEARS OF DATING

Jason Katz reflects on what he’s learned about relationships after years of dating and committing.

“Where did all that time go? Wow! It seems like yesterday I first started dating. My first date, my first girlfriend and my first experience in starting a new relationship. I wonder where she is now. As I look back on these 14 years, I have learned important lessons about dating, and relationships. Some were long-term relationships; and some weren’t. Some were long-distance relationships, and some weren’t. Not every relationship goes the same. People aren’t the same, we humans are different.

I am a slow learner. So it takes me a long time and many mistakes to figure out something. Here are some do’s and don’ts I would like to share with everyone who’s starting a new relationship.”

Lay down your Deal breakers

No matter how long you’ve been together, deal-breakers will cause you to call it quits

I highly believe at the beginning of every new relationship, and you should find a way to include deal-breakers into your conversation. In my experience, it’s not easy nor fun to talk about the things you don’t like and want at the beginning of something wonderful. But it’s best to get something heavy like that off your chest without getting hurt. Based on my experience, both tend to have deal breakers in a relationship. Some of the most common deal-breakers I’ve heard are,

  • Never wants to have kids
  • You are a virgin
  • Never wants to be married or wants to wait years to tie the knot
  • You are not so close with your family

What if you date a person for a long time and finds out that your partner doesn’t want kids and all you ever dreamed was to be a good parent? So I think it’s better sooner than later to talk about each other’s deal breakers rather than wasting time. What if both of you missed your soulmate because you two couldn’t talk about these incompatibilities? It’s not fair to either one of you.

Be Yourself

One of the most important things when starting a relationship is ‘Always be yourself . “Don’t try to picture another you in front of your partner. If my ex-girlfriend had been herself since the moment we started dating, it could’ve saved me some good time. I get it. We all try to be cool and chill at the beginning. But that doesn’t mean that we have to be fake. You pretend you like spicy bards even if you are fond of sweets. You show you watch thriller movies even when you are a big fan of horror movies, or you tell them you are into Rock music even though you only listen to Selena Gomez. Always be yourself, and be honest with them. This could help you avoid a very bad relationship and, more importantly, save your time and the heartbreak with the wrong person.

Don’t be sneaky

One of the worst things one could do when starting a new relationship is going through their partner’s stuff. Sometimes when you are going through their phone or computer, you might find something that’s going to break your heart. What if you see something that you don’t like. Remember that even the best relationships have their own secrets. You will start questioning things if you find out something like that. You won’t like that cause it’s going to hurt your feelings. The two basic components in every relationship are Trust and Respect. You have to trust them even when you are not around, and you have to respect their privacy. Always!

Don’t try to make a good impression

Why do people trying to be super perfect to impress another human being? Why can’t people be natural and themselves? Trying to make a good impression might cause a lot of problems in a relationship. Let’s think like this,

  • Maybe your likes and dislikes are very different, but you still want to impress your partner. So what will you be doing in a situation like this? You lie, obviously. Not because you want to lie to them and hurt their feelings, but because you want to make a good impression. However, it will lead you to lie, naturally.
  • What if your partner finds out about your lies? Even if they are innocent? It might make a scratch on your relationship. Your partner won’t be able to trust you ever again.

Be who you are from the beginning. Don’t disappoint your partner or yourself or set false expectations  when starting a new relationship.

Focus on the present not the past

When I was dating and starting a new relationship every time, one thing I always did was bringing all my fears into the next relationship. It’s natural to get your fear and bad experience to your new relationship. After all, we all are trying not to have the same negative experience in every relationship. I didn’t want to get heartbroken every time I was dating. In my experience, I believe our past experiences may prevent us from getting hurt, but they can also prevent us from being happy in our next relationship.

Maybe your ex-partner cheated on you, and now you doubt your new partner because he/she acts differently. Focus on your new partner’s characteristics. Maybe that’s the way they are. Don’t distrust your partner just because you had a bad experience with one of your exes.

And remember, there are two in a relationship. So it’s not always about you. This is to say, don’t question your partner about their past relationships. It might be a sensitive story for them. Dating history and relationship history is  an important conversation in a relationship. But don’t rush into it. Remember if their past relationships were that sweet, they would’ve never started a new one with you, right?

Have the Sex talk

Sex talk isn’t always about getting intimate. Sometimes it could be something related to sexual health. It may be really uncomfortable, but you need to have this conversation eventually. If you’re not comfortable having this conversation with your partner, you’re not ready to be close, or maybe she’s not the person you need to be secretive with.

Discuss each other’s likes and dislikes. Listen without judging your partner. You don’t like to be judged either. In addition, you need to know that when starting a new relationship, the time to be intimate is not the same for everyone. It could be different for every couple. So don’t compare this partner with your ex-partner. It might cause problems in your relationship.

Meet friends

When it’s the beginning of a new relationship, you might want to keep a low profile or you might want to take things  slowly. This is to say; you might hesitate to meet your partner’s friends or to introduce your friends to your partner. But I’m saying not to hesitate.

Sometimes your partner may be different when he/she is with their friends. Your partner can be an innocent, shy, and timid character when you are around, but it could be different with friends. Your partner could be noisy and annoying when he/she is with friends. Trust me; this happens a lot.

And at the same time, if you introduce your friends to your partner, the situation can be slightly different. You will see whether your partner is good with your friends, whether your partner goes along with your friends. On the other hand, your friends might see something different in your partner which you never see. It can even be red flags.

Now we’re in a time where it’s easy to walk away and just give up easily. But don’t be like that. Don’t normalize stupid ideas just because this is the 21st century. Be that couple everyone looks forward to, the story says we made it all the way here because we didn’t give up on each other. After all,  we never walked away from the imperfect perfect love we found.

Ilbey Ucar-modified-min
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