Abusive Father: How to Deal with an Abusive Father?

Written by: Arooj Paulus B. Sc (Applied Psychology)

Last updated date : March 26, 2023

Parents are generally the first source of love and support. But this is not the case always. For some people, they are the source of violence and abuse. Abuse can be in any form, whether it is physical, emotional, verbal, or sexual. People who have abusive fathers feel helpless and lose hope. But there is still a chance. You can deal with an abusive father by seeking help to protect yourself from violence, and recover from a history of abuse.


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Chapter 1:

Is Your Father Abusive?

Maintaining a healthy bond is extremely challenging when your father seems to be abusive. A child having an abusive father can learn to interact with others by being dishonest, passive-aggressive, or distant from others out of fear to hurt themselves. Your earliest relationships will be with your mom and dad, and they can have a major influence on your life.

Emotional competency is what motivates people to develop strong connection habits. If someone has an abusive father, he affects their capacity to trust and create and maintain healthy bonds. Abuse can affect a growing child in many ways. When these children grow up into adults they will still have scars of the past. An abusive or painful past can disturb you in your adult life as well. If you are often scolded or told that you were a bad kid, it will have adverse life on your mental health and adult life.

Chapter 2:

Signs of Abusive Father

Let us look at the following signs by which you can identify an abusive father.

  • If he beats you or causes you any physical injury.
  • Injury can also be emotional if your father often insults or hurts you in their speech.
  • When violence is used by your father as a form of discipline to control you.
  • An abusive father can disrespect you in front of others.
  • If your father is not showing enough support and love to you. Such as he may be neglecting your achievements.
  • When they have biased behavior and prefer your sibling over you.
  • If a father acts inappropriately with his child sexually.
  • If they use manipulative ways to make you do things that they want. Such as they may spread rumors about your friend if they don’t want you to be friends with them.
  • If their behavior changes according to their mood. And they may have an unstable temper.
  • When your father exploits you financially. For instance, he may ask you to work and give the money to him.

All of these are examples of abuse. Know the signs and let us move forward to learn ways how you can deal with an abusive father.

Chapter 3:

How You Can Deal with an Abusive Father?

Abuse can have so many bad effects on a person’s life, whether emotional or physical. Here are some of the ways to deal with the harmful effects of abuse as a result.

Seeking Quick Help and Support

  • If you notice any of the above-mentioned signs of an abusive father. The first step is to seek help.
  • An abusive father can also be threatening you so in this case, we suggest you go somewhere safe. For instance, you can go to a friend’s or relative’s home or a shelter home to minimize the chances of any physical harm.
  • You can also call a helpline, a trusted family member or friend, or your therapist.
  • They could show up and question you if you called the police or child services. You could be asked to discuss the incident with the police, social workers, therapists, or others. They’ll probably also get in touch with your father or legal guardian. Honestly answer all the questions about abuse.

Maintaining Your Safety

  • Safety plan: Determine what to do if the event that the abuse recurs. If you make a safety plan, you could be more equipped to handle abuse. Know the safest routes to leave your house, where to go, and who to call when you reach there. You might feel more secure if you have a strategy. For instance, you can keep some people on your speed dialing list to let them know in case of any emergency such as physical harm.
  • Talk to someone you trust: People who could help you to keep you safe may include your other parent, grandparents, friend, neighbor, or a mentor or teacher at your school. Let them know about the abuse so that they are there to support you and help in any emergency.
  • Don’t engage in other maladaptive behaviors. An abusive father can hurt you in many ways likewise you can also be self-abusing yourself. Such many teens are involved in the use of substances and alcohol to escape their pain. Don’t be harsh on yourself. There is hope and therapy is the solution.

Recovery after Abuse

  • Accept and regulate your feelings. Emotional pain is one of the consequences of abuse. It is okay if you feel hurt, sad, or angry due to an abusive father. Accepting your feelings is the first step toward healing. Don’t suppress your feeling and acknowledge them. Suppressing feelings can lead to serious mental health issues over time such as depression or anxiety problems.
    So you can talk about your feelings with a friend, or your therapist or even write a letter to your abusive father to express your painful feelings.
  • Self-compassion. Show yourself some love and empathy. An abused person frequently places the blame on themselves. Keep in mind that you are never at fault if you are abused. For instance, you can engage yourself in activities you love such as a sport, swimming, or a spa day to pamper yourself.
  • Connect with others who love you. With the help and support of others, it is possible to recover from abuse. Relationships that are equally pleasant and beneficial are crucial for your mental health. You probably already have family members (mother, grandparents, siblings, cousins), friends, and teachers in your life who can provide you comfort.
    You can also join a social support group in which you can connect with people like you to gain a sense of harmony and understanding.
  • Engage in productive activities. One helpful method to deal with abuse is to engage yourself in creative activities. Such as you can paint to express your feelings. Do exercise and eat healthy to help your body to release trauma.
  • Empower yourself. One of the adverse effects of abuse is that it lowers your self-esteem. You may feel inferior or destined to be punished. Regain your power as you are a strong warrior. Read below to join our course for gaining self-esteem.

Chapter 4:

Call to Action

You can further read, “Cutting off Toxic Family. Is It Okay Cutting off Toxic Parents?”, or read “Domestic Abuse – Domestic and Family Violence” at Epsychonline. So that you know how to deal with an abusive father or family. Prioritize your mental health.

In addition, you can start a course, “Low Self-Esteem” as an emotionally abusive parent can make you doubt yourself and lower your self-esteem. We hope to be a help to you. Join right away!

"Structured and engaging course" Joan

69 sections

6-Weeks Self-Paced

  • Educational Content
  • Quizzes
  • Self-reflection material
  • Suggestions & feedback
  • Worksheet, tips & tools to use

$9.00 $12.00

25% discount