Can a Fearful Avoidant Fall in Love?

Written by: Shruthi Chacko – M Sc

Last updated date : June 09, 2022

Can a fearful avoidant fall in love?. If you are a fearful avoidant, you mostly don’t show your emotions. It is hard for people to read you. But, that does not mean that you do not have feelings and emotions. Surely, you too yearn for healthy relationships like everybody else. It just that you fall in love when you meet someone who is forgiving accepting and non judgemental. Read this article to know more about the fearful avoidant attachment in a relationship.

Chapter 1:
How Are They in a Relationship?

Here’s the downer. They are more likely to cheat. They do this in order to distance themselves from their partner. In fact, they leave before the partner leaves them. It is in a way a way to stop hurting themselves. A fearful avoidant is scared that their partner may not stay with them, hence they are on the run before they are left. Additionally, they even get bored of relationships quite quickly. In short, loosing interest in their partner. They have a tendency to feel less satisfied in relationships. Basically, they have an inbuilt defence mechanism to run and escape before damage can be made.


Chapter 2:
Can a Fearful Avoidant Fall in Love?

Well, of course they do. It is just the fear in them that makes them leave the person. But, if they find a understanding , forgiving and non judgemental person, they are more likely to stay. Do they show love? It may not be shown over evidently, but they do show love. It is just that in the chaotic and emotionally explosive relationship, ti can be hard to spot love. Having a relationship with them can be quite dramatic and emotionally tiring.


Chapter 3:
Signs of a Fearful Avoidant

How does it feel to have a avoidant attachment style? So how is a fearful avoidant attachment in a relationship? Here are some red flags that you are avoiding or are dating someone that is.

  • You have a tendency to rush into relationships. However, after few months, you start to focus on the flaws. And you can’t take your mind off all of the possibilities.
  • Simultaneously, your friends or family call you someone as having a fear of commitment. However, your lack of commitment is a reflection of the fact that you consider commitment extremely seriously.
  • You are hypersensitive to even minor demands because you believe that your partners expect too much of you.
  • And, because you are afraid of being blamed for things that aren’t working in the relationship. Instead, you try and avoid taking on too much responsibility.
  • You are emotionally absent, but your sentiments can become intense to the point of frightening you.
  • You may be troubled with failure or perfectionism. On the other hand, do the contrary to avoid being seen as weaker or vulnerable.
  • Also, you are drawn to people who are “difficult”. You believe that you need to work for it. This is because you think you have to earn affection and approval.
  • However, if a partner is “too good” (offering you free love and attention), you doubt your abilities to keep them happy and regard them as uninteresting.


Chapter 4:
Tips That You Really Need To Know!

So how is a fearful avoidant attachment in a relationship?. Begin by paying close attention to just how you show yourself. Sure, it doesn’t all come crumbling down on you. Your partner must also be willing to change. You can begin by establishing clear boundaries. It will help you in avoiding the confusing signs of insecure relationships. How? Here are four ways for setting boundaries. In fact, they can successfully end the dance in order to heal your fearful avoidant relationship

Try To Understand What You Want

If that seems too difficult at first, try to think of what you don’t want and the opposite.

Ask Yourself These:

What about your relationship worries you? What emotions or behaviours would you like to replace that condition? Don’t just consider it. Make a note of it. Write it down. Make these ideas happen in some way. You already began to set boundaries.

Take A Step Forward- Can A Fearful Avoidant Fall In Love?

Do you want to know how the relationship is moving ahead? First, choose where you want it to go. Do you want to know how someone is feeling? Understand how you feel and leave room for the other person’s feelings without judging.

In a short, become the change you wish to see. Your companion will either follow you or abandon you. If this happens, it is best you let them go. It’s a brutal truth, but it’s in your best interests. More on that in a moment.

Get Out Of The Fantasy

We often cling to things (people, places, professions, beliefs, identities) which no longer offer us because we believe they have “so much potential.” There is, of course, but you can’t chase a fantasy.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in the concept of a fairytale ending. But, you’re creating your own reality. The issue is that you have no control over your partner’s reality. Therein lies the source of both of your dissatisfaction. It’s a paradox of love’s potential and unconditional love. Instead, evaluate how successfully that potential is in reality.

You Don’t Need To Fix Everyone

This is true for people with all types of fearful avoidant attachment styles. Ther e is a tendency to cast our inner turmoil onto those closest to us. Why? It is less difficult than facing it within ourselves.

Anxious partners, for example, will ask numerous friends to help them analyse a partner’s behaviour before and after they approach their partner personally for an explanation. That is, the hole we are attempting to fill is endless as long as we continue to look for anything outside of ourself to fill it. You will be much more happier with your partner if you work on yourself.


Chapter 5:
End Note- Can A Fearful Avoidant Fall In Love?

So there you have it. You now understand what is an fearful avoidant relationship is, how to repair it. Also, how to handle an avoidant or anxious partner, and when to walk away. Anxious-avoidant relationships can work. They only need partners who understand what the other needs. At Epsychonline we have a self help course on ” Low Self Esteem”. You maybe even find it informative and interesting to read up more on ” Feeling helpless in a relationship or situation” or ” Jumping to conclusions in relationships: How to avoid it.