Characteristics of a Man with Low Self Esteem
Written by: Vasundhara Shukla – M. Phil (Psychology)
Last updated date : March 08, 2023
Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself. It has an impact on relationships, mental health, and well-being. This not only affects motivation to try new things but also influences how people see themselves. People who positively view themselves understand their potential and are open to new challenges. Self-esteem is not defined by how you feel after your boss promotes you or when you get a D in your history finals. It is more lasting than the experiencing highs and lows of life. In this article, we will talk about the characteristics of a man with low self-esteem.
People with healthy self-esteem:
- Understand what they are capable of.
- Can maintain healthy relationships with others and with themselves.
- Have realistic expectations of themselves and their abilities.
- Understand their needs and can tell others as well.
Signs of Low Self-Esteem in a Man
Under ConfidenceOne of the major characteristics of a man with low self-esteem is under confidence. Under confidence is when you repeatedly try to undermine your abilities and capabilities. Under confidence can keep you from challenging yourself. It will have a lasting impact on relationships and how you perceive yourself.
Little ControlFeeling that one does not have any control over their life indicates signs of low self-esteem in man. They might also think that they have little ability to make changes either in themselves or in their surroundings.
Comparing Yourself to OthersComparing oneself to others is very common. We have all done this many times in our lives. Sometimes, this comparison can motivate you to work harder. But in the case of people with low self-esteem, this comparison has a negative impact. These people draw negative comparisons to others around them and feel inadequate and hopeless.
Difficulty Expressing Your NeedsA characteristic of a man with low self-esteem is when you start thinking that you are not worthy, you stop expressing your needs and wishes to your close ones. This might be because of thoughts like you don’t deserve whatever a relationship is offering you. And expressing your needs would be making excessive demands. They might also feel embarrassed by their need for support. Since they don’t prioritize their own desires, they struggle to express their need.
WorryEven after making a decision, people who often worry that they’ve made the wrong choice also show signs of low self-esteem in a man. This can often lead to a great deal of second-guessing and self-doubt, making it harder to make decisions.
Do Not Accept Positive FeedbackThese complimentary words do not align with their beliefs about themselves, so people with low self-esteem may even feel that the other person is just joking or they might say that they were just lucky this time. This happens because they don’t have a positive opinion of themselves.
Fear of FailingCharacteristics of a man with low self-esteem include being fearful of failing in any task. This is because they believe that they don’t have abilities that can make them succeed like others. So to avoid failing, they do not take up challenges that they will be able to handle if they did not have low self-esteem.
Eager to Please OthersTo gain approval from others, people with low self-esteem may go to great lengths to make sure that other people are comfortable and happy. This often involves neglecting their own needs, saying yes to things they may not want to do, and feeling guilty about saying no.
- It can create mental health problems like anxiety, stress, loneliness, and depression.
- Low self-esteem can also cause problems with friendships and romantic relationships.
- It can lead to low academic and job performance.
- It can lead to dependence on alcohol and other addictive substances.
Steps to Improve Low Self-Esteem
Step 1- Silence the Inner Critic:
- Harsh Inner Critic: Instead of thinking “People said they liked my presentation, but it was nowhere near as good as it should have been. I can’t believe no one noticed all the places I messed up. I’m such an imposter.” Acknowledge strengths: “Wow, they liked it! Maybe it wasn’t perfect, but I worked hard on that presentation and did a good job. I’m proud of myself.”
- An Inner Voice That Is Unrealistic: Instead of thinking “I got an F on the test. I don’t understand anything in this class. I’m such an idiot. I shouldn’t be taking this class. I’m stupid, and I don’t belong in college.” Be specific: “I did poorly on this test, but I’ve done O.K. on all the homework. There are some things here that I don’t understand as well as I thought I did, but now I have a better idea of how to prepare and what I need to work on. I’ve done fine in other tough classes; I’m confident I can do this.”
Step 2- Be Kind to Yourself:
- Forgive Yourself When You Don’t Do Everything You Planned: Try to be kind to yourself when things don’t go as you had hoped. For doing this it is important to accept that mistakes are part of the learning process. One of the characteristics of a man with low self-esteem is the inability to forgive himself.
- To Err Is Human: As humans we all make mistakes, and we are all impacted by some things that we can’t control. Accepting that it is human nature to make mistakes, helps us to feel more connected to others rather than feeling we are the only ones making mistakes. Recognizing that mistakes are an important part of being human helps us to be more compassionate with ourselves and others.
- Be Mindful of Your Feelings: If you do feel upset about a situation, try to allow yourself to experience that feeling in a balanced way. When practicing mindfulness, try not to judge yourself for having negative emotions. If you can remember that emotions come and go, it will help you not become overwhelmed by your feelings.
Step 3- Get Help from Others:
- Ask for Support from Friends. Talk to your friend about your struggles so that they understand what you are going through. Talking about troubling things can help blow off steam and make you feel better. Ask for a hug or any other kind of support you feel comfortable with.
- Get Help from Teachers & Other Helpers. Go to your teachers, professors or mentors to ask for help in things if you need it. If you lack self-confidence in certain areas, take classes or try out new activities to increase your sense of competence. For example, take a math class, join a dance club, take swimming lessons, etc.
- Talk to a Counsellor. Sometimes low self-esteem can feel so painful or difficult to overcome that the professional help of a counsellor is needed. Talking to a counsellor is a good way to explore these feelings and begin to improve your self-esteem.