Cutting off Toxic Family. Is It Okay Cutting off Toxic Parents?
Written by: Arooj Paulus – B. Sc (Psychology)
Last updated date : February 20, 2023
Cutting someone from your life is never simple. And it is difficult to admit that a family member is causing you so much worry, tension, and sorrow that you can not maintain a connection with them because it comes from family. This post is for everyone who is thinking about whether to maintain a connection with a problematic or toxic family member. You have worked so hard to make the relationship work, but nothing has changed. You may not want to give up or maybe you are not sure about cutting off your toxic family member or toxic parents. Do not worry! We can help you in cutting off toxic parents or toxic family members in a way that respects and takes care of yourself. It is okay to cut off a toxic person for your mental peace.
When Is It Okay Cutting off a Toxic Family Member?
- If they are telling lies to you.
- If they blame you often.
- When they criticize you.
- When you notice that their relationship is making you harsh with other relationships as well.
- If they are manipulating you in any sense and want to control you.
- Drama is inevitable whenever you meet them.
- Meeting them often involves overreacting which stress you out.
- If they are passive-aggressive towards you
- If they gaslight you and always want you to compromise.
- They have a habit of belittling you and calling you names.
- When they do not have a real interest in your life but you find them discussing your failures.
- They make you feel bad about yourself and question your own identity.
- Meeting them is accompanied by stress and pain.
Toxic people rarely change. Research suggests that people who have low emotional intelligence lack empathy and responsibility for their actions. Toxic people do not realize that they are hurting others. instead, they blame you to be responsible for their needs. So, it can be quite horrible to deal with them. Therefore cutting off a toxic family might be a good decision.
Effects of a Toxic Family
- They can cause you anger issues.
- They can give you anxiety and depression.
- Self-confidence is highly damaged and it can make you doubt yourself.
- Your basic need for love and support is not fulfilled.
- You can develop trust issues.
All of these problems have
Why It Can Be Difficulty Cutting off
LoveThe most challenging reason to cut off a toxic family member is that you love them. You may think that they are family after all and forgive their hurtful actions. Maybe you are too attached to them that you want to take care of them despite all the emotional pain they have caused you. You want to hold on to the happy times and forgive them. So, it can become really difficult to cut off a toxic family member. Alas, one-sided love is not enough to make a relationship work. Remember, cutting off does not mean that you unloved them, it is for your mental peace.
Fear is the second emotion attached to a loving relationship. It is because of the fear of losing someone that we keep on holding to toxic relationships. Cutting off a toxic family may seem frightening to you, but it can be beneficial for you in so many ways. Know your boundaries in a relationship. Every relationship has its ups and downs, but it does not have compassion, it is not worth it.Loyalty
Familial norms and culture are responsible for forming our attitudes towards the family. Generally, families have a value to be loyal to each other. Respect for diversity and the freedom to have different thoughts and feelings from your family are both building units of a healthy relationship. But if any toxic family keeps on invading your privacy, and freedom and criticize you, they are trying to control you in the name of family.Guilt
With the value of loyalty, comes the liability of guilt. A family is a complete unit with different roles for each one and different responsibilities such as taking care of an elderly parent, or spend time with siblings or parents, or with extended family. If you do not meet any of the family expectations, you can be made guilty.You must understand that these demands can only be fulfilled if your family is strong. It is not dishonest, rude, or selfish to preserve your wellness. There are instances when cutting off a toxic family is the only option.
We are aware of its baggage, yet we ignore it and find reasons to justify our and their actions. Although the abuse is evident, we are afraid to label it as mental abuse.
Tips for Cutting off a Toxic Family or Toxic Parents
- Stop hoping that they will change. Do not risk your mental health for a mere fantasy.
- Admit the abuse. Ignorance is a choice and it is not okay to choose abuse. So, stop ignoring the pain that a toxic family or its member has caused you.
- Do not be sad over cutting the relationship. Joy over your inner peace and the baggage which you have cut off for your growth. Grieving one time is better than grieving your entire life.
- You get get a mental health expert’s help.
- You can get support and help at Epsychonline’s website. Where you can learn about different learning articles in the Youth/ Family Relationships section.
- Also if you are dependent on your parents and cutting off can mean living independently, you can read an article on our website named “Leaving Home: Tips to Grow Independence”.
- You can further start a course on our website such as, “DBT for Anger Issues” or “Low Self-Esteem”. A toxic family member may be because of your anger issues and low self-esteem due to their abusive actions.
- Starting a “Body Image Concerns” course at Epsychonline might also be helpful to you as toxic family members may also be doing body-shaming.
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