Feeling Left Out By Friends? Here's What You Can Do
Written by: Tanvi Gangavali – MA (Psychology)
Humans are social beings. They like to have friends. But if friends leave you out of plans then it is not a nice feeling to be with. You stay with the feeling of being left out by friends. At some point, we all have faced this in our life. We know it is painful. We also feel lonely. It also makes us feel rejected. When you have this feeling that you are left out by friends, you find yourself constantly thinking about why they left you out. You might also feel that you are not good enough. It is normal to think that we want to be part of a group. Humans crave social connections. Also, having good friends can have an impact on our overall well-being. Friends bring joy and make you happy. It also makes you more confident.
Check If You Are Feeling Left Out by Friends
- Do not tell you where they are going.
- Canceling last-minute plans with you.
- Ignoring your messages.
- Not returning your calls.
- They say they have other work but then you see them hanging out with other people.
- Not inviting you to their parties or events.
- When you are around, they do not talk about any event or topic.
- If you ask them to hang out with you, then they give the same excuse.
- Their body language is also of that they are not interested.
- They might say they are busy most of the time or answer in one word.
- Your friends leave you out of the plan on purpose.
If you notice this is going on in your friend circle then you need to be alert. It could also mean that very soon you are going to be left out by friends with the feeling of being lonely. This feeling is hard. It makes you question yourself. Look for signals that your friends are leaving you out of their plan. Observe their actions. You can also check if it has happened in the past. Make a note of their body language too. If they want to keep you away, then it is a planned move. Hence, you can look for patterns.
I Am Feeling Left Out by My Friends. What to Do?
It is hard when friends leave you out of plans you feel sad. You feel hurt. But, here are some things that you can do to feel better-
- Accept how you are feeling. It is natural to feel upset when friends leave you out of their plan. You feel a mix of many emotions. You need to first accept your emotions. If you accept how you feel then it makes you feel a little better. No matter what you feel it needs to be accepted. If you try to deny or ignore them then it might get worse.
- It is natural to feel hurt when you are left alone. But, do not jump to conclusions. It is easy to do this. But, you need to wait. Our mind tends to jump to extreme ideas about any event. This makes us feel worse. Hence, it is best to look or ask for evidence for your thought. If you feel your friends leave you out of plans, then ask for proof and see their actions closely. Also, try to see if there is any other explanation for the given situation.
- Talk it out. Most of the time, it is best to talk to your friends about how you feel. You can tell them that you are feeling left out. You can also tell them why you feel this. Try to use more ‘I ‘ statements. Also, try to be specific. For example, instead of saying ‘You’ll do not invite me for the movie’, you can say ‘I felt left out when you’ll do not invite me for the movie. I would like to join next time.’
Some More Coping Ways if You Are Feeling Left Out by Friends
- Work on yourself. Many a time when friends leave you out of plans it affects your self-esteem. You can use positive self-talk. For example, you can say ‘My friends like me and I am worthy of having friends.’ or ‘I have a good sense of humor which makes people like me. Doing this will make you confident. It will also help you to meet new people.
- Make yourself feel good. It could be a fact that your friends left you out on purpose. But that does not make you less as a person. You can do many things to make yourself good. For example, going for a massage, cooking your favorite meal, or watching the movie you love.
- Put yourself out there. Many times, if we are busy with work etc and do not join social events. This makes people forget us. They assume that we would not want to come. Hence, you can send a message to your friends that you are free and can join them. Sometimes taking the first move helps.
- Share how you feel. You can talk to someone whom you trust. Also, seek support from them. Tell them how it makes you feel. This helps you to feel better.
- Meet new people. If the current group of friends gives you this feeling of being left out then it may be time to look for new friends. People change over time. It is okay. This is hard to accept but it is okay. Hence, you can join new social groups. This also makes you meet new people.
- Talk to a counselor. If you are feeling lonely then it is hard. It affects your mental health. It is best to seek expert help. Your counselor can help you to deal with your emotions.