How Insecure Am I? Why Am I So Insecure in My Relationship?

Written by: Arooj Paulus B. Sc (Applied Psychology)

Last updated date : February 09, 2023

Do you often wish that your partner gives you praise? Or do you often seek their attention? Or do you look for their assurance? All of these are signs that you are insecure in your relationship. Even though your partner loves you without any conditions, you may feel jealous and insecure in your relationship. You may commonly think “how insecure am I?” Being insecure may be a hurtful and challenging feeling. It can have a bad effect on both your relationships and mental wellness. Here is all the information that may help you to avoid feeling uneasy in a relationship. Whether you’ve been committed for a while or have just started dating.

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Chapter 1:

Are You Insecure?

Feeling insecure involves doubt, lack of confidence, and worry. There is a strong point of view that you are unworthy of success in several areas, such as relationships, jobs, and social interactions. Far worse, you might always be fearful and unsure of what will happen next.

Also, if you are overconfident or have narcissistic personality traits, then you can then be insecure in a relationship. When you are feeling uneasy, you might not always be aware of how insecure you are.

Chapter 2:

Why Are You Insecure?

Let us look at the reasons why you can be insecure in your relationship.

Lack of Self Confidence

Sometimes it looks as though our insecure feelings are caused by external factors. Such as, if we do not succeed in reaching a goal, if a possible love interest rejects us, or if we don’t get the promotion we want. The real root of insecurity, though, is a lack of self-worth. Even though we look confident on the outside but these factors can affect our feelings and make us more prone to doubt our worth. As a result, you may start seeking your worth in our relationships.

Painful Childhood

The “inner voice” is shaped by tragic early life that made us harsh with ourselves or with others close to us. As children, we learn and unknowingly adopt this harmful thinking pattern toward ourselves and others. So insecure adults may have their roots in the relations you had with your early caregivers.

Because they were never secure in the past, their fear of loss could increase when they finally find a happy and healthy relationship.

Past Bad Experience

You could feel uneasy in your new relationship if your partner is aggressive or deceitful. Insecure partners often transfer their lack of loyalty and mistrust to their future partners as well. Such as an unseen message can be doubted as a lie to avoid them.

Social Anxiety

According to research, social fears can affect relationships because people tend to rely heavily on their romantic partners for comfort and support. You may start finding your confidence and worth in close relations. Overly harsh criticism and trouble trusting your partner’s acts and their intent can both be signs of social anxiety.

Fear of Loss or Rejection

People who are insecure in relationships may do so out of fear of being rejected. Some people may be more afraid of rejection if they lack confidence. Even minor losses or possible risks may be enough to cause them their highest fears.

Chapter 3:

Signs That You Are Insecure

Nobody feels fully secure in their relationship all the time. Relationships often benefit from variation. But is feeling uneasy in a relationship frequently normal? No, and if you are having these signs, you need to figure out how to handle being insecure in relationships. Let us have a look below. <

  • If You Are Often Jealous It is the most threatening thing to any relationship. It calls into doubt their shared sense of compassion and trust. An insecure partner may be very clingy or controlling which is an unhealthy practice.
  • If You Often Seek Their Attention Seeking attention is a sign that you want to control their attention because maybe you are jealous that they should spend their time and energy only on you. You can’t stand being far from them or you’re afraid of it, thus don’t respect their personal space. To get their partner’s attention, an insecure person could create drama.
  • If You Often Argue. It is normal to have conflicts in a relationship. But frequent disagreements might be brought on by an insecure partner. Arguments can occur because of their jealous or attention-seeking acts. Lack of trust and unresolved insecurity lead to harmful arguments.

Chapter 4:

Effects of Insecurity

Insecurity can have bad effects on your overall wellness, as you think that you are not worthy or desirable. This lack of self-worth badly affects the relationships as you often feel insecure and doubt your partner’s love and affection. Your partner may make constant efforts to assure their love and this may weaken your relationship.

Also, it throws off the peace in a relationship since you could constantly cross your boundaries to make them feel safe. Such as you could begin to demand proof of your fears and focus more on what your partner is keeping from you.

For instance, you may get into an argument that you were afraid for your test while your partner was not there for you. You may feel that they do not love you any more that is why there were not there. But this is not the case. Hence, your insecurity can be bothersome to them. In the worst cases, you can harm another person’s quality of life and disrupt their peace of mind.

Further, it destroys the trust and compassion in a relationship. If an insecure partner constantly seeks confirmation of their love, one may keep feeling unheard and embarrassed.

In conclusion, take time to know your fears and concerns. Seek therapy or help at our website to resolve the causes of your insecurity in a relationship. We hope to help you to build and maintain healthier relationships.

Chapter 5:

Call to Action

Since insecurity is linked with social fears, so you can read and learn more about the topic at Epsychonline by reading “Social Phobia and How to Overcome This Anxiety Disorder”.

In addition, you can start a course, “DBT for Social Anxiety” to reduce your social worry and insecurity in your relationship. Also, as low self-esteem is the cause of insecurity in relationships, you can start a course named “Low Self-Esteem” at Epsychonline.

We hope to be a help to you. Join right away!

"Learnt a lot from this course" Sally

51 sections

6-Weeks Self-Paced

  • Educational Content
  • Quizzes
  • Self-reflection material
  • Suggestions & feedback
  • Worksheet, tips & tools to use

$9.00 $12.00

25% discount