How to Calm Someone Down? Helping Others Calm Down

Written by: Ankita Kathad – MA
(Clinical Psychology)

Last updated date : April 20, 2022

Living with someone who has anger issues can be very difficult. Especially when that person is close to you. Anger can make people do stupid things. It makes the angry person hurt others. Sometimes anger can end relationships. When we love someone, it is difficult to see them angry. This article focuses on how to calm someone down. It explores how to help someone with anger issues to calm down.

Chapter 1:
What Is Anger? What Causes People to Get Angry?

Anger is an emotion in response to an event or person you feel has done you wrong. When you feel angry, you will like hitting someone. You can also feel like harming something. Anger is not always negative. When anger is positive, you will feel like doing something creative. You can feel like finding solutions. However, when anger is re-directed to someone you love, it can cause problems. Relationships can spoil. There will be tension in communicating. Moreover, anger can lead to self-harm. Anger can also harm loved ones. Here is how it affects people:

Effects of Anger
  • Physical effects: Your face becomes red. There is a spike in blood pressure. We can experience a ‘fight or flight mode. When angry. anxiety or excitement are also common physical symptoms. Our breathing can become fast and we may sweat.
  • Emotional effects: We feel very annoyed if someone has done wrong to us. Many emotions can conceal anger. Not only this, anger can act as a facade too. For instance, we may become annoyed at someone when angry. We sometimes show sadness when angry. When we are angry, we may say something bad to our loved ones. This can spoil our relationships
  • Health effects: Anger makes our headaches. Some people can have a heart attack due to raised blood pressure. Prolonged anger can turn into hatred. One can also face depression if the anger is not resolved.

As anger can have many negative effects it is important to know how to calm someone down. We have to understand that our loved ones act negatively because they can’t manage anger properly. Here are some ways to calm someone down:


Chapter 2:
How to Calm Someone Down?

When living with someone who has anger issues, can be difficult. We value the relationship and the person. However, their behaviour is not acceptable to us. Here are some ways to calm someone down

  • listen: Often people feel angrier because they can’t vent it out. When we listen to someone, we let them know that they are valued. We also allow them a space to express themselves. Moreover, listening also makes the angry person speak out their true emotions. Don’t judge the angry person. Just be empathetic and listen.
  • Stay calm: When we are calm in front of the angry person, it can help the anger to come down. Because the angry person can get angrier if we are agitated. Moreover, if we also get angry, we can’t think of good solutions.
  • Support: We can support them to take help from a professional. They can go to a therapist. To add to that, self-help anger management courses can also help calm them down. We can also support them by giving affirmations or reminders for anger control.
  • Giving personal space: If the angry person gets angrier while talking about the event, we can give them some space. We can give them time to think and refocus. If we are too pushy or clingy, it might irritate the angry person more. You can give them some time by spending some days apart.
  • Set limits: While you value the relationship, it is important to set boundaries. You can be clear about how much anger is okay to show. You can also be clear about what behaviour is acceptable and what is not. If the angry person crosses the line, you can be assertive!

Chapter 3:
How to Help Someone with Anger Issues to Calm Down

Managing anger in an effective manner is an important skill. Anger is very bad for health and relationships. Some people have more control over their anger compared to others. For those who cannot control their anger, help is available. As friends or family, we can help them deal with anger and calm them down.

  • Talk to them: We can openly tell the person who is angry about how their behaviour is hurtful. We can express our feelings and let them know that we are hurt.
  • Identify the triggers: We can identify the situations when the person gets angry. We can also point it out to them. This can help us manage the anger better when a similar situation arrives. We should not be judgemental while pointing it out to them. However, we can ask them to be mindful in such situations.
  • Avoid advice: Don’t be an advice giver if they don’t want. Ask the person if they want you to just listen or need some advice. Sometimes an angry person just wants to be heard.
  • Communication: If the angry person is away, you can call them to calm them down. If the person is in front and talking directly is not an option, you can call. Talking on call is a safer option too. You can also openly communicate about how anger is harmful to everyone around the person. You can directly ask the person, “Do you want to talk about what made you angry?”
  • Walk away: You can ask the angry person to walk away from the situation when they are extremely angry. When someone is very angry, they tend to hurt others. The best option is to walk away and calm down in private. They can rethink the situation and come up with a solution.

Chapter 4:
Tips for Anger Management and Calm Down

Apart from helping someone with anger issues to calm down, it is important to teach them effective anger management skills that they can use. These tips can be used by anyone to control their anger. These examples can help someone with anger issues to calm down too!
  • We should understand that anger is like a wave. It reaches a certain height and then eventually comes down. It does not stay up forever. Hence we should avoid making big decisions when angry.
  • When angry, a person makes poor choices. They redirect their anger towards friends or family who won’t shout back. However, relationships become sour if we keep getting angry. We should love and respect our relationships.
  • When angry, engage in some physical activity. This can be running or swimming. Such activities help channelise the anger in a good way. Running can also help to clear the thoughts. When we depend on such useful strategies rather than hurtful ones like shouting or hitting, we can independently manage anger.
  • To calm someone down who has anger issues, we need to be clear in our intentions too. We aim to help the angry person understand that anger is not good for them. Anger is not letting them think clearly.
  • You can keep a diary to record when and how you are getting angry. For angry people, it can help them understand what triggers them. For those who try to help someone with anger issues to calm down, this record can help them be prepared.
  • One can learn meditation to control anger.
Finally anger is a natural emotion. Always redirecting anger on other people is bad. Everyone should be respected and anger cannot change that. At Epsychonline, there are courses on emotion regulation and anger management, Do check them out.