How to Comfort Someone? - The Do’s and Don’ts

Written by: Shruthi Chacko – M Sc

Last updated date : June 06, 2022

Right times can leave us all in difficult spots. We all have had our days when grief has taken over us. It is normal feeling that all of us go through. The process gets easier when you have someone to comfort you. There maybe be times you dint know what to say to your family/friend when they were grieving. There would be times where you like how to comfort someone? or how to console someone who lost?

Don’t worry, this article will give you some great tips and ways in which you can comfort your loved ones. It can be a confusing spot for you to be in. In fact, it gets tricky what to say and what not to say. But, that’s okay. Remember, all they really need is your presence. Your presence itself is comforting for them. The idea is to let your heart take over than your brain. Your presence, warmth, someone to listen to is all they really need now.

Chapter 1:

How to Be There for Your Loved Ones

Let’s start with a simple rule. When somebody is looking for comfort, they do not want advice until they ask for it! They are in a bad spot, so they probably don’t want you to judge them or make judgments for them. Whether or not if you understand their feelings. Instead it is critical that you validate them.

If you do feel it’s okay to give someone advise after they’ve been comforted make sure they don’t feel pressurised to follow it. A simple “but of course it’s up to you” will inspire them to pursue that path simply because they really want to. Also, make sure you have a calming tone when you talk to them. So, let’s check to some great blanket statements for you to encourage for the person to vent out.

“I am all ears. You can let it all out.”

“You’re important for me, and I care about your feelings.”

“I may not understand how you feel exactly, but you are not alone.”

“I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. If there is anything I can do to help?”

(Note how they really avoid remarks such as “you’ll be OK” or “cheer up.”


Chapter 2:

How to Comfort Someone Who Is Experiencing Sadness

It might be hard to comfort an unhappy friend, family, or spouse. In fact, you want to take out all of their pain and make them feel better. But, it’s not always simple. Perhaps, its sometimes better to sit with those thoughts than to have them seem undesirable!.  Listen to your partner, possibly pat their back (if they’re good with it), and simply tell them what you appreciate about them.

How to console someone who lost? There are some things to avoid if you’re attempting to find out how to comfort somebody who is crying. For example, don’t give them a tissue if you don’t want them to quit sobbing, even if you’re only trying to help. Allow them time to vent and then simply listen when or if they wish to speak.


Chapter 3:

How to Comfort Someone Who Is Furiously Angry

How to console someone who lost? Just like with stress, encouraging someone who is upset to “cool down” is probably not a wise decision. However, you should remain cool and encourage them to describe who or what they are upset about! This is the time to simply hear them out and acknowledge their feelings. (They may reconsider and be less angry later, but your role at the moment is to be in their corner.)

When you’re comforting someone who is stressed. You should be calm using a calming tone. But, never say “calm down.” We know, it’s strange, right? But, that term can be so demeaning to their feelings. They’ll most likely become even more stressed and frustrated! Instead, ask about the cause of their anxiety and validate their feelings. It may also be helpful to encourage them that it is acceptable to take a rest or focus on one task at a time.


Chapter 4:

How to Be There for Someone Who Is Stressed Out

When you’re comforting someone who is stressed, you should be calm and use a comforting tone. In fact, never say “calm down.” We know, it’s puzzling, right? But, that term can be so demeaning to their feelings. They’ll most likely become even more stressed and frustrated! Instead, ask about the reason of their worry and validate their feelings. It may also be helpful to encourage them that it is acceptable to take a short break or concentrate on one thing at a time.


Chapter 5:

How To Comfort Someone Who Is Feeling Scared

When a friend, member of the family, or significant other is terrified, encouraging words should focus on reassurance. Fear can instantly put them in fight or flight mode. As a result, rationality is definitely out the door at this point. Maintain your calm for them. But, don’t leave them feeling like they’re overreacting. Show them how and where to slow their breathing and show them the 5-4-3-2-1 technique mentioned here to help them ground.

So, the next time somebody you care about is going through a difficult moment, remember this article! We promise that sitting with them, listening to them out, and reminding them how wonderful they are will make them feel just a little bit lighter in any situation. Remember to validate, validate, validate their emotions!


Chapter 6:

How To Console Someone Who Lost?

Don’t Separate Them – How to comfort someone
Grief can be overpowering. You may feel intimidated by it. It’s normal to express your concerns about how to interact with your loved one. Tell your loved one that you are confused what to do or how to best support him or her. Your loved one will respect your straightforwardness. People who are mourning frequently feel ignored and isolated by their friends. Take some effort to show up, even if it is difficult.
Cook Them Meals
Grief can put people in a state of shock. Making it difficult for them to do daily tasks. Cooking meals for a loved one or a friend can be quite helpful. You can also help in organising a community meal train, in which individuals drop off food in a container outside the home.
Embrace Laughter – How to comfort someone
Grief may be a difficult process. It is important to have laughter in the mix. Watch a hilarious movie or go to a comedy sketch together. Laughing has the ability to heal souls and balance grief.
Make A Little Wellness Package
Grief and self-care never go together. Make a basket of goodies for your loved one to pamper oneself. A massage gift voucher, bath salts, scented candles, and essential oils might all be included.
Plan A Trip
Think about taking a trip if your loved one is in need of some alone time. Plan a quick weekend getaway or a relaxed week in a location that a buddy or loved one has always longed to see. Because your friend or loved one may be unable to plan,. You will most likely need to make the first step. Ask about any specific sights your loved one want to see, and plan for lots of leisure during the trip. At Epsychonline, we have a self help course on ” Low Self Esteem”. You may even find it interesting to read up more on ” Feeling sad about missing someone? How do you stop it?” to understand more on how to comfort someone and how to console someone who lost.