How to Communicate with an Avoidant Partner

Written by: Tanvi Gangvali – MA (Psychology)

Last updated date : October 12, 2022

How to deal with an avoidant partner? If it is difficult to communicate with your partner who is avoidant then you feel frustrated and also stressed out. You also feel like wanting to talk to them but cannot because of how they are. Understanding their emotions and who they are is the first step in dealing with an avoidant partner. An avoidant partner also has many emotions where they feel not loved and have low self-esteem. It is not easy to deal with an avoidant partner. You need the right kind of temperament. Also your approach while dealing with them also matters. Your own attachment style also interacts while you are trying to deal with an avoidant partner. You might feel tired but if you learn certain ways to deal with them then it is easy.


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Chapter 1:

Who is an Avoidant Partner?

An avoidant partner wants a relationship but also struggles sustaining one. It is equally hard for the avoidant partner while dealing with others. You might notice various signs and symptoms. Relationships are based on understanding and communication. But, an avoidant partner will not be open to communicate and or also share anything. Also, their behavior is usually confusing. This can also make you feel lonely. Also, they usually will have the following-

  1. They prefer to be independent. Also, they do not want others to be dependent on them.
  2. They want a relationship but at the same time struggle with maintaining it.
  3. Avoidant partners want to have freedom. They tend to avoid intimacy and closeness.
  4. Fear clingy people or do not want them to see as being clingy.
  5. Fear getting attached to people. They feel they might get hurt.
  6. They do not feel secured and feel people might hurt them.

You might have to think that does my avoidant partner love and miss me? How do I communicate with my avoidant partner? They do love and miss you. Although they might show it in different ways. They might show love through their body language and limited use of words. But, they do express.You can practise active listening, use I statements and talk using facts. You can tell them reassuring things and also make them feel loved without being clingy. Below are some ways to communicate with your partner.

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Chapter 2:

How to deal with an avoidant partner?

  • Avoidant people like being independent. Hence, you can plan how to spend time together with them rather than giving them surprises. Something that is sudden they might not like.
  • Avoidant people see being close with any person as a weakness. So, it is best to talk with them boundaries of your relationship with your partner. This helps to also understand what your partner needs.
  • Sometimes dealing with an avoidant partner can be stressful. But, you need to be gentle. Also, be compassionate. This helps to bring intimacy and also to communicate with an avoidant partner.
  • Dealing with an avoidant partner is easier when you accept your partner as they are. This also helps them to feel valued and loved.
  • When you express your needs and how committed you are it helps to deal better with your avoidant partner.
  • It is best to communicate your emotions with your partner rather than assuming that they will know.
  • Most avoidant people face lot of discomfort at times. Hence, acknowledging their efforts is also equally important. This gives them a boost and also makes them feel valued.
  • Try to be positive and calm at all times while communicating with an avoidant partner. This will also make them feel safe and secured. This also reduces the chances of them getting triggered. You can also communicate with your avoidant partner by expressing your gratitude and praise them more.
  • Avoidant people usually have low self-esteem. They want relationships but also struggle with them. Hence, you need to accept them without any judgment and enjoy them how they are.
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Chapter 3:

How to communicate with an Avoidant Partner

How to deal and communicate with an avoidant partner can be challenging. You need to look for signs which can trigger them and try to be as comfortable as possible to commncinate with an avoidant partner.

  1. Give them a secure place. There are many triggers for an avoidant partner. They might feel criticized or even judged. So, you need to create a safe and secure environment for them which will make them feel valued and supported. You need to talk and have an open conversation about the stress triggers faced by you and also try to make your partner talk about it. This helps to understand the triggers and then manage them accordingly. The best way to know why your partner is angry or annoyed is to look for the cause of the behavior.
  2. Try to focus on the positives. This helps to avoid the negatives and helps the avoidant partner to also be at ease and not be defensive.
  3. The language that you use to communicate with your avoidant partner is also important. Try to use more encouraging and supportive words.
  4. Listening actively is needed. This means you have to leave your judgements and only try to understand the feelings and emotions of your partner.
  5. An avoidant partner does not like people who are very clingy. Hence, you can decide mutually on certain activities that you can do to bond together. This also helps to create positive feelings and also build trust.
  6. Find ways to boost the self-worth of your partner. The more they feel loved and valued, the lesser they will be triggered. This will also help them to open up.
  7. It is hard to resolve issues when in conflict with an avoidant partner. So, the best way is to communicate your needs and make it more factual.

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Chapter 4:

Conclusion 

Dealing with an avoidant partner is hard. It needs lot of efforts. It might drain you out if you are not using the right style and approach while communicating with them. But, it is a learning lesson. You learn something about yourself and also what your needs are. But, if you find that your avoidant partner is willing to take efforts to change then it is a boon. It becomes a shared effort for both of you. By being positive and calm you can communicate with an avoidant partner. There are many courses available on our epsych online website. You can enroll for a course online on perfectionism to know more.


"Quizzes and recommendations were very uselful" Donna

50 sections

6-Weeks Self-Paced

  • Educational Content
  • Quizzes
  • Self-reflection material
  • Suggestions & feedback
  • Worksheet, tips & tools to use

$9.00 $12.00

25% discount