How to Deal with a Violent Boyfriend

Written by: Ankit Kathad – MA (Psychology)

Last updated date : October 05, 2022

Table of Contents Article title – DBT for anger
  1. Chapter 1
  2. Chapter 2
  3. Chapter 3
  4. Chapter 4
  5. Chapter 5
  6. Chapter 6
  7. Chapter 7
  8. Chapter 8

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We hear about domestic violence daily in news. Both men and women can be victims. If you are living with someone violent or abusive, it can be scary, stressful, and overwhelming. It can get confusing. On one hand, you love your partner and want to live with them. On the other hand, the abuse leaves you drained. You may take the blame upon yourselves. You may even want to appease the partner. However, abuse in any situation is not valid. This article talks about how to deal with a violent boyfriend. We also explore the early signs of an abusive boyfriend.

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Chapter 1:

Types of Abuse in a Relationship

In a romantic relationship, abuse can be of many types. There can be verbal abuse, physical or even sexual abuse. Abuse in any form is damaging to the partner. It is never healthy and it is important to understand that the abuse is happening. Often the abused partners don’t even realize that something wrong is taking place. Having a solid understanding helps to deal with a violent boyfriend. Here’s more about the types:

  1. Verbal abuse: This can be in the form of abusive threats or foul language. Additionally, the abusive partner can use emotional blackmail. This includes the threat of leaving the partner. The partner can pick up verbal fights now and then to harass the partner.
  2. Physical abuse: This includes physically abusing the partner by beating them. Pushing, pulling, or slapping are other forms of physical abuse. This can lead to severe physical harm to the victim.
  3. Emotional abuse: This includes manipulation. The abuser can also gaslight the victim now and then. Moreover, the abuser can use words to demean the partner.
  4. Sexual abuse: This includes non-consensual sex. Forcing the partner to watch pornography, etc.

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Chapter 2:

Early Signs of an Abusive Boyfriend

Knowledge about the early signs of an abusive boyfriend helps to deal with a violent boyfriend. There are many signs of an abusive partner. However, a lot of people ignore them because of love. Moreover, love makes you overlook small flaws in the beginning. This often reinforces the boyfriend to continue. It is too late when bigger acts of violence take place. Often a partner is not abusive at first. Initially, they show their best side of theirs. Once they have won the trust of their partners, they start showing signs of violence. Identifying the signs of abuse helps you make the right decision. It helps you build a roadmap to deal with a violent boyfriend. Here are some early signs of an abusive boyfriend.

Controlling Behavior

The most common sign of an abusive boyfriend is controlling behavior. If your boyfriend keeps asking where you go and the times of your outing, it is controlling behavior. Additionally, he is keeping a track of where you go and with who you go. Your boyfriend may control what you wear and even what you say. If his orders are followed, he may resort to some kind of violence. The boyfriend will start controlling the times his partner visits her family or friends.

Problematic Past Relationships

Another common early sign of an abusive boyfriend is that he has never had a successful past relationship. That is to say that all his past relationships were a problem. However, it is very common for the boyfriend to always blame the other partner. They may describe all their past partners as mean and selfish. They will always blame their Exes for the breakup. If this is the case, it is time to start getting careful.

Complaints from Friends or Workplace

If your boyfriend’s friends or family frequently complain about his temper, it’s time to watch out. Additionally, there can be complaints from the workplace regarding your boyfriend’s behavior. Often abusive people have little social life. Friends get tired of their temper and pull away. Similarly, teammates can get annoyed by the abusive language of a person. It is important to know about your partner’s behaviors and traits when you are in a relationship. Knowing your partner’s past is not wrong. It helps you understand what type of person your partner has been.

You Are Always Worried in Your Relationship

In a healthy relationship, you should be able to be yourself. You should be at ease. There should be no pressure to impress the partner always. When you are with a violent boyfriend, you feel like you are always walking on eggshells. That is to say that you fear making even a small mistake. You are always worried that something might upset your partner. An abusive boyfriend makes you feel guilty. They are mostly hostile. This makes you feel always on the edge. This makes it hard for people to deal with a violent boyfriend. This is because nobody wants to lose the partner they love.

Blame Games

Your partner always holds you responsible for anything that goes wrong. Moreover, it is always you who apologizes. Your partner will always claim to be right. Whenever there is an argument, your partner will make you feel responsible for the fight. Additionally, they will make every effort to prove you wrong.

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Chapter 3:

How to Deal with a Violent Boyfriend

Living with a violent boyfriend can be unhealthy. Most of the time, leaving your partner can be the best available option. However, at times, this option may not be available. This is due to many reasons. You may not have the resources to continue without your boyfriend. You are emotionally attached to your partner. There can be other reasons such as having children to look after. In any case, having the right strategies can help you deal with a violent boyfriend.

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Chapter 4:

Steps to Deal with a Violent Partner

  • Emergency numbers: The first step in the plan is to have a list of emergency contact details ready. You can never predict when the violence escalates. Therefore it is useful to have a list consisting of contacts such as the domestic violence helpline. You can have a number of a few close family members or friends who stay nearby.
  • Set boundaries: When leaving is not an option, being assertive and setting boundaries are important. You can set limits on the abuse. Be stern and let your partner know these boundaries. Document these boundaries and take serious steps if any boundaries are crossed by your partner.
  • Inform: Let your loved ones know what’s happening with you. Confide with your close friends or family. This way you will not feel alone.
  • Save: Invest smartly. Create an exit plan and keep enough savings to sustain alone if you have to. Keep your savings discreet so that your boyfriend does not exploit them.
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Chapter 5:

Endnote

Abuse of violence of any sort is not okay. The ideal step would be to inform the concerned authorities and leave. However, it is not always the most convenient option. Therefore it is important to learn how to deal with a violent partner. Living with a violent partner can reduce your self-confidence over time. This is because the violent partner uses techniques like manipulation and emotional blackmail to make their partners feel low. Low self-esteem can also stop you from being assertive and setting boundaries. If you are struggling with low self-esteem, courses on Low self-esteem at Epsychonline can help you. These courses offer content created by experts. The best part is that these courses are self-help in nature. There are many articles that talk about violent partners and abusive relationships. Do check them out.

Reviews 4.1

Learn evidence-based DBT for Anger skills

69 Lessons

6 hours

  • Educational Content
  • Quizzes
  • Self-reflection material
  • Suggestions & feedback
  • Worksheet, tips & tools to use

€9.00 €12.00

25% discount