How to Deal with an Angry Husband?
DBT for Anger
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DBT for Anger Course
Duration: 6 weeks, self-placed
We all have good days and bad days. Nothing and no one is perfect! You are not and neither is your partner. So, you too must be going through a lot daily. Some things make you happy and some make you sad. You too must be getting mad at people. Anger is something we can feel and it can affect us. So, how would you deal with all the anger in your relationship? Also, how to deal with an angry husband? Here are ways that can help you.
You Need to Stay Calm!
- Deep breathing – You have to relax and not get worked up. So, you have to make sure that you do not react. Use some deep breathing exercises. For example, try inhaling and exhaling 5 times. Very slowly and deeply. This will calm your mind and body. It might stop you from reacting without thinking.
- Tell yourself what is the result you want – Sometimes it is tough to stay calm because we start focusing on things that are not important. In such cases, you need to tell yourself what you want out of this fight or situation. What is your goal and what is important? This will help you to stay calm by not letting you get tangled with unimportant things. For example, your husband is angry because he is unable to deal with his office work pressure. Due to this, he keeps on shouting at you for the smallest things like where things are kept, the temperature set for the AC, etc. You need to understand that you need to stay focused on making the marriage work. Do not get distracted by other things and focus on your goal.
- Self-talk that will help you stay calm – You should say things to yourself that will help you stay calm. You can even distract your mind by mentally humming your favourite song or visualising a peaceful place.
3 Useful Tips to Deal With Your Angry Husband
1. Try to Find the Hidden Reason behind the AngerWhen someone gets angry, what they do and what is going on in their mind could be very different. So, you need to try to find out what is going on in your husband’s mind. Try to find the reason for his anger. You will be able to deal with an angry husband only if you know why he is angry.
However, do not try to ask directly as that might make him angrier. You will have to find subtle ways to know the reason. Listen to his words and not just the tone. Somewhere hidden in his words, you might be able to guess what is bothering him. Also, you know your husband well. So, try to think about what would be the possible explanation for his anger.
2. Respond but Do Not React!There is a huge difference between reacting to something and responding to the same thing. When you react, your emotions are involved. You tend to think with yourself in focus. Also, most of the time, reactions are quick and spontaneous. You do not think through before you react. So, you do not think about what could be the result of this reaction.
However, when you respond, you have thought through the outcome of your response. It is not impulsive and emotionally charged. You take your time to analyse things and then say something that will take to towards a solution or resolution.
When you have to deal with an angry husband, then you need to respond and not react. To reduce anger in your relationship, you have to deal with it in a mature and grown-up way. For example, if your husband is angry and shouting, then you shouting back at him is a bad way to deal with the situation. Also, you crying or feeling guilty is not going to work. You need to think calmly and stay level-headed. Say things such as “I understand your anger. Let’s take 10 minutes to calm down. We can talk about it after we both have relaxed a bit”.
3. Focus On Finding Solutions and Let Go of the Blame Game!The most common unhealthy way to deal with anger in a relationship or with an angry husband is the play the blame game. You think that you are right. Also, it means that he is wrong. And of course, he thinks that he is right and you are wrong. You feel it is all his fault. He started the fight. He is “always,” says hurtful things to you. Also, you truly feel that he is to be blamed for your tough times.
And guess what! He feels the same for you! He too feels that you are the one who fights, who cannot understand him, who insults him at every step, and so on. This never-ending blame game can go on. But in all, you both keep arguing and reacting to each other’s words and actions but there is no actual resolution. This fight will be repeated in the future and still, there will not be any solutions until you stop this blame game.
So, you need to work towards finding solutions and not let your ego dictate your marriage. Sometimes certain issues can be deeply rooted in your or your angry husband’s mind and you cannot deal with them in a day or two. You might need to seek help from a professional.
However, other fights can have simple solutions. For example, a tight hug or just hearing your husband vent his anger is enough. Try to think about what will work best for you.
The Final Say!
So, focus on finding effective ways to deal with your angry husband. Try not to be the “angry wife” yourself. Keep your mind cool and try to cool him down as well. Focus on the solution you want and resolve the fight. Who wins these small battles does not matter! So, let go of your ego and try to build a good and happy relationship.
So, if you feel that you need that little push to make your relationship wonderful, then please visit our “courses” pages. You will find interesting and helpful courses there which can give you the required nudge to work on yourself.