We all get upset when things do not go our way. There are times when we are getting irritated with small things. Sometimes you just want to throw or break a thing in anger. However, you cannot stay in this state for a long time. It is not good for you at all. So, let’s look at how to let go of anger and resentment towards someone.

  Anger is the emotion you feel when

• things don’t go your way
• someone says something bad about you
• you lose a game or fail a test
• someone does not listen to you
• tries to harm or hurt you physically
• a person you don’t like happens to be in a room
• your boss puts you down in front of the entire office
• a teacher scolds you
• a parent forces you to do something you don’t want to
• you get red traffic signals back to back
• you cannot find your keys and you need to go out
• your roommate is playing loud music and you have to study
• someone bumps into you hard and all the stuff you are holding in your hands fall down
• someone cuts the line and moves past you
• your spouse forgets to buy milk which he/she had promised they will get while returning home

Above are just some examples and events which can make you angry. However, there can much more such things that can lead you to feel upset, frustrated, and mad. Many such small and big things can make you angry. But if you do not let yourself of your anger or resentment, it will only get worse and can cause actual mental and physical harm to

Physical Consequences of Not Letting Go of Your Anger or Resentment

• People who get angry often tend to have high blood pressure. If you get angry all the time and are not able to calm yourself down, then you have some serious heart-related problems.
• Anger can cause increased heart rate, flushed body sensation, burning of your eyes, body tensing and shaking, etc. All these things can cause excessive pressure and stress on your body. This is not good from a long-term point of view.
• If you hold on to your anger for a long time, then you may become more prone to headaches and pain in different parts of your body.
• You will feel tired and fatigued very often.

Anger can cause mental stress

Some effects that anger and resentment can have on your mind are

• feeling irritated and restless
• problems focusing and paying attention
• emotional instability
• relationship problems
• work-related issues
• being worked up all the time
• not able to relax or even have fun
• no peace of mind

Here are a few ways that can help you to let go and relax

1. Accept That You Are Angry

The first step towards any change is to recognise and accept that you need to change. For example, to become a calmer person, you first need to be honest and say that you are someone who gets angry easily. If you keep lying about it to yourself, then you will never be able to take the first step towards changing it.

2. Identify the Cause of Your Anger

Once, you know are angry at someone or something, then you need to find out the exact cause. So, you need to look inwards and think “why” you are angry. What has made you so angry? When did you first start feeling so angry? What had happened?

For example, you realise that you are upset since you have come back from your friend’s party 2 nights ago. So, now think about what had happened there. You start identifying that it was something that had happened towards the end of the party. Your friend for whom you have worked so hard to organise the party for had failed to appreciate you for your efforts. Additionally, your other friend who had barely done anything got all the glory of organising a great party. And you, who has done all the hard work was ignored. No one had even said a simple “thank you” to you but had gone on and on thanking your other friend.

3. Find Ways to Forgive

Sometimes you cannot change what has happened. Hence, you need to learn to forgive the person who has hurt you and move on. You need to put the whole thing behind you and forget it all.

At times, the person you need to forgive could be your friend (like in the above example), spouse, boss, stranger (for example, the guy who kept honking at you when you were trying to turn and had shouted some pretty bad abuses when he went pass you), or even your own self.

The anger and resentment you have towards others can be reduced by forgiving them. Also, the anger you have towards yourself can be reduced by forgiving yourself. So, you have failed a test because you did not study and when the result came, you started feeling mad at yourself. In such situations, you need to be softer towards yourself and be less hard on yourself.

4. Use Relaxation Techniques to Let You for Your Anger and Resentment

Relaxing your body and mind is very important. You can follow simple relaxation exercises to make yourself feel better.

• meditation
• pranayama
• yoga
• talking a walk
• listening to music
• cooking
• painting or any other hobby you have
• watching a comedy film
• eating your favourite food

Any of these techniques can be used to calm yourself down and let you of your anger and resentment. It distracts your mind and body from doing something else. Thereby, it takes the focus away from the anger and you can revisit the emotion later with a much calmer mind.

5. Talk to a Friend

Share your feelings with a person you trust. You will feel much better after you have spoken to someone about the things that are upsetting you. So, find a person you are comfortable with and talk to them. It can be a friend, spouse, partner, colleague, sibling, or even a therapist if you prefer. Because talking to someone will make you feel lighter and free of anger, it can be a great way to let go!

6. Write a Diary

When you cannot talk to others, then a good way to let you of your feelings is the write them down. So, start keeping a diary or a journal in which you can write about what you feel and the events that have caused you so much distress.

Make it a habit to write in a diary every night before you sleep. It will help not just in this situation, but also in many other things in life. It is a good habit if you want to understand yourself and work on yourself.

There is no best way or easy way to overcome such emotions. You have to work hard and learn your way to let you of your anger and resentment. You can use one or a combination of the above-mentioned ways. However, you have to try out and see what works best for you. But you have to do something to let go. You cannot keep all this anger within you! it is not healthy and it can harm you!

Also, find a good way to prevent yourself from getting angry. Once you get mad at something then controlling yourself can be tough. So, you should learn to prevent it altogether. If you can just distract yourself when such thoughts first come to your mind, then you can be more in control of how you will react. You will be able to manage the situation and your emotions better.

In short, anger can have some bad effects on your body and mind. Learn ways in which you can successfully let you of such emotion. Practice and use these techniques to deal with your anger in a positive manner.

If you are interested in learning how to control your anger and come out stronger, then please visit our courses page. You will find courses such as “DBT for Anger” which can help you in your journey to change.