How to Stop Being the Fat Friend in Your Group?

Written by: Shruthi Chacko – M Sc (Psychology)

Last updated date : July 23, 2022

Do you want to stop being the fat friend in your friend’s group? You are someone who is confident with the way you look. But, the pressure from people around makes you feel you are not good enough. This really takes a toll on your self-esteem. Are you sick when people expect you to fit into the funny, supportive fat friend role? Are you tired of feeling invisible in your group? Have you become a vacant vessel for your friends to fill in with their problems? Have you wondered how does it feels when someone listens to your needs and dreams? Do you wish you weren’t sidelined by your friends? Do you wish people saw you beyond what you are expected to be? Beyond being that fat friend that are commonly shown on media. If yes, then this is the article that you are looking for.

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Do you want to stop being the fat friend in your friend’s group? You are someone who is confident with the way you look. But, the pressure from people around makes you feel you are not good enough. This really takes a toll on your self-esteem. Are you sick when people expect you to fit into the funny, supportive fat friend role? Are you tired of feeling invisible in your group? Have you become a vacant vessel for your friends to fill in with their problems? Have you wondered how does it feels when someone listens to your needs and dreams? Do you wish you weren’t sidelined by your friends? Do you wish people saw you beyond what you are expected to be? Beyond being that fat friend that are commonly shown on media. If yes, then this is the article that you are looking for.

Chapter 1:
Do You Want to Stop Being the Fat Friend?

Let us look at ways in which you can stop feeling like the fat friend

Choose your friends wise

Surround yourself with people who are good energy. Are your friends making you feel that your body defines you? If yes, then you don’t need to surround yourself with such friends that are not supportive. It is truly a major red flag if your friends make fun of you based on your weight. Therefore, It is time for you to leave such toxic people who drain your energy. Also, people who truly love you would never make you feel you are not good enough.

Tell them to stop making you feel like the fat friend

The best thing you can do is to have a conversation with your friends. If they care about you they would be sensitive to your feelings. You could say ” I do not like the way you make fun of my body”. An understanding friend will truly understand. I know, it is hard to have this conversation with your loved ones. But, it is important to do it for your self-worth. Similarly, you really don’t have to tolerate such people who pass self-deprecatory comments on you. Thus, It is important to stand up for self in order to stop being identified as the fat friend.

Quit the negative self talk

Have you ever heard of the phrase ” words have power”?. It is absolutely true. You should try to stop the negative chatter in your mind. You will only continue to feel bad about yourself. Moreover, when you do this, you are telling yourself that you are not good enough. Getting rid of such thoughts makes you stop believing you are a fat friend. Also, once you change the way you talk to yourself you are transforming your narrative from a negative view to a positive one. Writing positive affirmations can help you change the way you view yourself. Thus, words can be more powerful than you think.

Do something about it

Do you feel like you want to have a healthier lifestyle? Maybe the best thing you can do is to channel all this backlash from your friends into a healthy lifestyle. Go take a walk, hit the gym. Sweat out the negative thoughts and comments. Also, when you work out your body will produce endorphins which will release happy hormones and get rid of the negative comments. Thus, let this be your fuel to a healthier and fit body and mind. This can stop you from feeling like a fat friend.

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Chapter 2:
Have You Been Kind to Your Fat Friend?

There are many ways in which you can show up for your fat friend. It can be hard to be the only fat friend among thinner ones. In fact, they often feel the need to compare and become self-critical towards their body. Moreover, some of these expectations come from family, friends, and partners. 

Let us look at a few ways in which you can be kind to your fat friend and stop making them feel like the fat friend. 

Acknowledge your own anti- fat bias

We are conditioned by society to think of fat people as lazy and unhealthy people. Although you care about your fat friend you can still have such biases. It is important to acknowledge and accept such insensitive biases. When you start recognizing such judgments, your friend starts the journey towards healing. Therefore, your friend sees that you have taken the effort to rethink your beliefs. This surely makes them feel heard and loved.

Talk to your fat friend

Only your fat friend knows how it feels to face fatphobia. Therefore, talk to them. Have an open and honest conversation about their experiences. Listen to it with an open mind. This gives room for you to empathize with their story. Also, to understand what it feels like to be on the other side. Ask them you can do anything to support them. Hence, by doing this your friend can stop feeling only like a fat friend to you.

Take effort to heal your friendship

If you really value your friendship and you truly care about them, you would make an effort to understand them. Firstly, you should let them know that you have hurt their feelings. You need to be supportive and let them embrace their body. It is crucial for them to feel that they can define their own bodies and are not judged for it. Thus, when they see their family and friends are being non-judgemental, they feel heard. The healing begins for your friend when you stop telling from what to wear to what to eat. Hence, all a fat friend truly needs is a supportive friend who just doesn’t see their body but understands their feelings. Therefore, it helps to stop feeling like the fat friend of the group.

Support your fat friend

Speak up against anybody who shames your fat friend in front of them or even in public. It will be a great deal of support for your friend. In fact, we often see such practices very commonly in public spaces. You go to a restaurant which has armed chairs. This can be often inconvenient for a fat person. Maybe next time you choose a place which has armless chairs. Also, in clothing stores sometimes it is hard to find plus-size clothing. Before going shopping you can check out clothing stores that offer plus-size clothes. This extra effort can really help your fat friend. In fact, fat people are often left to advocate and defend themselves. One little gesture can go a very long way in empowering your friend.

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Chapter 3:
Kindness Can Go a Long Way

Therefore, accepting and supporting your fat friend can help with their healing and recovery process. Little acts of kindness can go a long way. They will feel like they are seen and truly understood. Thus, they will eventually stop feeling like the fat friend in the group. Always remember to treat a person regardless of being thin, fat, short, or tall with kindness and love. The world can be a better place to live if we all learn to accept one another with all our differences. In fact, it is these differences that truly make each one of us unique and beautiful in our own way. At Espychonline we have a series of self-help courses including ” Body Image Concerns” that can help you with viewing your body in a much more positive way. Please visit our Courses page to find more about it. You may find it interesting to read up a bit more on ” Stop body shaming– What needs to be done?” to have a broader understanding of body shaming.
Reviews 4.1

Learn evidence-based scientific ways of coping with chronic fatigue

99 Lessons

3 hours

  • Educational Content
  • Quizzes
  • Self-reflection material
  • Suggestions & feedback
  • Worksheet, tips & tools to use

€9.00 €12.00

25% discount