How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone?

Written by: Ankita Kathad – MA (Clinical Psychology)

Last updated date : September 16, 2022

Table of Contents Article title – DBT for anger
  1. Chapter 1
  2. Chapter 2
  3. Chapter 3
  4. Chapter 4
  5. Chapter 5
  6. Chapter 6
  7. Chapter 7
  8. Chapter 8

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Table of Contents How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone?
  1. Symptoms of Obsession
  2. How Does Obsession Affect You?
  3. How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone?

Almost all of us feel a strong attraction for someone. It’s common for us to have recurring thoughts about the people we feel attracted to. It makes sense that we would want to spend all of our time with that individual. A healthy relationship is when both partners wish to spend quality time with each other. These ideas and emotions develop into a greater level of respect, maturity, and commitment through time. However, sometimes, the person we love may not love us back. Therefore this one-sided love can become an obsession. This article aims to understand how we can stop obsessing over someone.

First, we define what an obsession is. We understand how it can be harmful to us. Further, we understand how we can start living a life with a focus on ourselves and not on someone who cannot love us back. We explore how we can stop being obsessed with someone.

What is an obsession?

An obsession is when you are an extreme attraction to one person and find a need to guard them. You feel angry or jealous when the person speaks to someone else. Sometimes this obsession can be for a known person. For instance a partner, a former partner, or a friend even. In other cases, the person may not even be knowing us. Either way, obsession is unhealthy and can lead to a lot of problems if not checked.

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Chapter 1:
Symptoms of Obsession

Here are some warning signs that indicate that you may be obsessed over something

  • You are always thinking about the person
  • You keep feeling unhappy for not being able to control the events. For instance, not being able to see the person can make you unhappy.
  • You cannot focus elsewhere because of the thoughts of that person.
  • Your mood and behavior change if you have or have not met or seen the person.
  • Your happiness revolves around that person.
  • You may repeatedly invade the privacy of the person.
  • You keep controlling the actions and events of the person.

Chapter 2:
How Does Obsession Affect You?

Although thoughts of the person you love make you happy. Obsession can harm you in a lot of ways. Have you ever wondered if it can affect your mental well-being? It certainly does. Habits can interfere with your personal and professional lives both. This is the reason one must stop obsessing over someone. Here are some ways in which obsessions affect a person.

  • It can cause significant distress and interfere with daily life. It can further lead to a lack of concentration at work.
  • The jealousy that follows the obsession can lead to negative emotions. For instance, if the loved one speaks to someone else, you may feel jealous. This can lead to dangerous actions sometimes such as wanting to harm the person.
  • Obsessions can stop you from focusing on your life. You may not look at important events in your life that need attention.
  • Obsessive love can infuriate the other person. They may not like someone invading their personal space.

Chapter 3:
How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone?

It is important to get rid of obsessions. Anything in excess is harmful in life. Further, obsessions can be extremely time-consuming. Here are some ways to get rid of those obsessions. These tips can help you stop obsessing over someone.

Distance and Distraction

A good way to stop obsessing over someone is by having a distraction and getting some distance between you and the person. You can develop a sound mental detachment in this way. This can initially be difficult. Being too close to a person you can’t have, though, will only intensify this toxic relationship. You’ll notice that things get simpler as time passes. Distance also helps you shift the focus to something better and more productive.

Question the Obsession

Why do you feel so attached to this person? What makes you so possessive about them? One way to stop obsessing about someone is to stop feeding the obsession. An obsession must be fed in order to grow. You can get a brief rush of pleasure when you think about or see that person because it satisfies your need. But all you’re doing is feeding a destructive force in your own life. When you can, try to avoid thinking about, hearing about, and seeing them constantly.

Questioning can entail looking within and finding out how you interacted with your obsessions. It will probably assist clarify the cause of your current obsession and help you comprehend why you want a connection with an emotionally unavailable person.

When we are drawn to someone, it is quite simple to overlook their imperfections. You can overcome the obsession by purposefully highlighting their flaws. Consider everything that this individual does that you find objectionable or would find undesirable in a partner. To make it clear that there is a balance and that the individual is imperfect, emphasize these areas a little bit more.

Talk It Out!

Get help and a support system. If you want to stop obsessing over someone, try talking about it to your friends and family who you trust. To live with and move past an obsession, enlist the support of your friends. Your friends and relatives can provide you with that crucial outsider’s perspective because they are likely fully aware of the circumstances. Their point of view aids in your understanding of both yourself and the other person. Perhaps you ignored some warning signs or unfavorable qualities that they pointed out. They will also be able to give you support and comfort throughout this time. Go outside when you have the chance. Make a call to your friends and arrange a dinner or drink. 

Focus On Self-Worth

Understand that you are much more than your obsessions for someone. You are better off without your crush or ex that you have been obsessing over. Do not let anyone else decide for you. You may think that your life is nothing without this person but your life is worth much more. Even if you might want them, they don’t add anything useful to your life. Consider yourself better off without a person who doesn’t value or cherish you. You ought not to need to persuade someone to stay with you or want to be with you, in your opinion.

It will take some time for you to realize that you do not require this individual in your life. However, understanding it will become simpler and simpler over time. You will come to understand that you are truly better off without them after enough time has passed.

Practice Self-Love and Meditation

Obsessions are a form of rumination at times. Both affect you negatively. You will become stuck in your obsessive habit if you don’t take action to break your thought patterns every time you start to think about this individual. So every time you think about this individual, stop. Recognize when you are succumbing to an obsessional mental pattern. You can begin to exert control over your ideas once you can identify them as they emerge.

Create New Habits

Try to learn new things. It gives you new skills and something outside the subject of your obsession with which to occupy your thoughts. Finding new interests may seem like a general answer to many issues in life, but that is only because it works so well. Learning a new skill can help you escape your obsessive rut by rewiring your brain and changing your perspective.


Anything in moderation is good. Even love for that matter is never good when in access. Obsessions are nothing but excessive love. Excess to anything is unhealthy. Hence it is important to stop obsessing over someone or something. There are many ways to stop the obsession with someone. However, at times factors such as anxiety or low self-esteem can make the task difficult. If you want to stop obsessing over someone and are unable to do so due to low self-esteem, online courses at Epsychonline can help you out. At Epsychonline, several self-help courses can help you build self-esteem to improve your self-worth. This can help you create healthy bonds with others. Click Courses on the navigation bar and check out our online courses, Further, many articles can help you with the same. 

Reviews 4.1

Learn evidence-based DBT for Anger skills

69 Lessons

6 hours

  • Educational Content
  • Quizzes
  • Self-reflection material
  • Suggestions & feedback
  • Worksheet, tips & tools to use

€9.00 €12.00

25% discount