Loving Someone with Avoidant Attachment

Written by: Harmandeep Kaur Grewal – MA (Psychology)

Last updated date : September 26, 2022

Table of Contents Article title – Perfectionism
  1. Chapter 1
  2. Chapter 2
  3. Chapter 3
  4. Chapter 4
  5. Chapter 5
  6. Chapter 6
  7. Chapter 7
  8. Chapter 8

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If you are someone who has a partner that avoids you whenever you need them and you are stressed because of it. You should try not to push your partner hard. Moreover, an avoidant person will not like people who are pushy. For instance, if you keep calling your partner then your partner will get agitated. Have you been loving someone with avoidant attachment? Dating a fearful avoidant woman is not easy at all.

Furthermore, avoidant attachment makes people avoid intense relationships. Moreover, they stay away from intimate love. Also, if they happen to fall for a clingy person then they try to run and escape from the relationship. So, you should first talk and communicate about each other’s needs before starting a relationship. Then again, it is perfectly fine if you are in a relationship where you are not getting back care anything from a partner. Moreover, you should be patient and stay cool. In contrast, if you show emotional reactions in form of anger and aggression then you will further push away your partner.

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Chapter 1:

Loving Someone with Avoidant Attachment

Loving someone with an avoidant attachment may not be easy for you. Moreover, dating a fearful avoidant woman is even trickier for you.

  • First of all, avoidant personalities have a difficult childhood. Moreover, one or both of their parents have been controlling and rigid. So, they fear or avoid being with people who try to control them. FOr instance, your mother was a controlling and manipulative person. You have to suffer through your childhood because of such a person. So, you will look out for people who are similar to your mother and avoid them. Though it is possible that you could not see through the controlling behavior of your partner at the start of your relationship. Therefore, you are avoiding it now.
  • Second of all, some children have disappointing parents who never were present for their child. So the children when they grow up hardly trust people to form a close and intimate relationship. Moreover, you will not believe that your partner will not leave you or hurt you in the future. Also, you prepare beforehand for any heartbreak.
  • Thirdly, avoidant partners have formed a notion in their minds that no one for them will make them happy. So, you stay aloof and happy. Moreover, you do not trust others in making decisions for you. You want to have complete freedom in your life. Hence, you push people away from yourself.
  • Next of all, even with an avoidant personality, you will try to search for a person who meets your expectations and makes you happy. Also, deep down you believe that everyone is not the same. Your partner may not end up like your parents and hurt you. You can always stay positive and keep your mind open to relationships.

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Chapter 2:

How to Deal with an Avoidant Attachment Person?

Loving someone with an avoidant attachment may not be easy for you. Moreover, dating a fearful avoidant woman is even trickier for you.

  • First of all, you should not stalk or chase after a partner who resists your gestures. So, you need to be very patient with an emotional person. And, if you push then your partner or potential love interest will leave you for sure. You can wait for the person to respond to your messages. But you should never use force with an emotionally unstable person. Furthermore, your lover may get back to you after you give her some space.
  • Secondly, when you feel like your partner is avoiding you and you know your partner’s history, you need not take her actions personally. Moreover, it would be difficult to continue a relationship when you keep getting hurt by your partner’s actions. For instance, you know your wife needs space now and then. But you find it offensive when she does not pick up your calls. Then you will have conflicts and disputes and you not be able to maintain the relationship for a long period.
  • Thirdly, you should communicate properly. You can tell her that you are disappointed that she did not pick up your calls. But also make her safe that you will not push her if she does not want to talk. Hence, she will get that you are getting hurt in the process and may become considerate of you.
  • Next of all, you can reward her when she is happy and close to you. You can show how happy you are when she hugs you in the morning and calls you to the office to check on you.

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Chapter 3:

Show your Love and Consideration

You can show your consideration and love for your partner whenever you get the chance. You can buy flowers or chocolates whatever she likes. Furthermore, you should never show sarcasm or hurt her when she tries to make up to you. If you are getting angry every time then you will get in a loop and it will get difficult to get out of such a situation. Loving someone with an avoidant attachment may not be easy for you. Moreover, dating fearful avoidant women are even trickier for you.

Additionally, show that you understand her and will not leave her when she needs you the most. So, you can win her over with patience and care. Nextly, you should be a reliable partner. Also, your wife knows that you will come and take her when she needs something. Also, you must respect the fact that you and she are two different people who have different personalities, habits, emotions, and so on. Hence, it will create a level of understanding between the two of you. Moreover, the trust you build with her will stay for a long period.

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Chapter 4

Dating a Fearful Avoidant Women

First of all, drop all unrealistic fantasies that you have about love and your partner. You should think rationally. Also, be clear that people in real life can hurt you. Also, if you are not perfect how can you expect your partner to be perfect. And, do not watch or compare your partner to movie characters as you know they are fictional. Loving someone with an avoidant attachment may not be easy for you. Moreover, dating fearful avoidant women are even trickier for you.

Secondly, when you are angry or emotional try to be a little considerate. Then you will not have to regret your actions. Moreover, it is better that you stay away from her when you are angry. Next of all, you should be aware if you are getting yourself and your partner into any rigid role? If so, then, you need to be flexible in your relationship. Moreover, give each other space so that you can have your time and be happy in it. Also, do not try to change the behavior of your partner. And, it could backfire, and may you be the culprit in destroying your relationship.

So, work toward a happier future with a lot of understanding and love. And don’t forget to give each other space.

For more information, click “Courses” on the navigation bar to check out our online self-paced courses on mental health and wellbeing. The course titled “DBT for Social Anxiety” provides more information on the current topic.

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Learn evidence-based scientific ways to overcoming perfectionism.

87 Lessons

6 hours

  • Educational Content
  • Quizzes
  • Self-reflection material
  • Suggestions & feedback
  • Worksheet, tips & tools to use

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25% discount