What to Say to Someone Who Has Had a Miscarriage?

Written by: Shruthi Chacko – M Sc
(Psychology)

Last updated date : June 08, 2022

Table of Contents

What to Say to Someone Who Has Had a Miscarriage

  1. Things Not to Say to Someone Who Has Had a Miscarriage
  2. How To Support Someone Who Has Had A Miscarriage

You probably clicked on this article because you don’t know what to say to someone who has had a miscarriage. That is completely okay. Such situations can be hard to deal with. You may be wondering what is the right thing to say. It is totally alright to feel like this. You are in the right place if you want to know how to support someone who has had a miscarriage. Keep reading.
Firstly accepting that you do not know what to say is a good place to start. Before getting into what are the right things to say. Let us look at the things you must not say at any cost. 

Chapter 1:
Things Not to Say to Someone Who Has Had a Miscarriage

  • Oh My God! I completely understand. I am having a hard time too

The last thing that you want your friend to hear is your problems. When you say such things, you are minimising their feelings and their experience. Unless you lost a loved one yourself, you will be able to empathise.

  • I can understand how you are feeling

Many people make the mistake of saying ” I understand” when in reality they may not. Of course, it comes from a place of care and love. They are trying to make the person feel better. But, it can not be very helpful for the person listening to it. Try to refrain from using such statements. Try to be mindful and just try to listen to the person and simply being there can do magic.

  • It Is A Blessing In Disguise, Maybe Your Baby Was Deformed


This can be a not very comforting comment. Try not to say this at any cost. It can be quite hurtful if somebody makes such a remark. End of the day, you are talking about their baby. The comment is suggesting that if the baby is not perfect then she/he is not worthy.
So, now you know the things you should avoid saying at any cost. Now, that you are aware of them. You are in a better place to know what to say than someone who has had a miscarriage.

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Chapter 2:
How To Support Someone Who Has Had A Miscarriage.

So, how can you help a family member or friend who has lost a pregnancy? Nothing can erase the pain of their loss. But, we can help you be with them.

Be There For Them

Some people are open about their miscarriage, while others are not. Follow your loved one’s lead in whatever they desire to do. If you’re not sure what they want, it’s okay to ask softly. “If you wish to speak, let me know,” for example. Let me know if you want me to stop over and watch a funny movie with you instead.”

The most crucial thing is to let them know you’re there for her/him no matter what they decide. You may either sit and cry with them or take them out to lunch and talk about other topics. Healing is highly personal. Everyone handles it differently. Just make sure your loved one understands you’re there for them no matter how they choose to heal.

What to say to someone who has had a miscarriage? – the best is to ” Listen”

We are all inclined to give encouraging words or even possible answers if someone is in emotional suffering because we want to help. You may have had similar pregnancy. But, you want to offer help based on how you dealt with them.

This can be beneficial, but keep in mind everybody is different. Also, it is vital to allow them to grieve in their own way. People aren’t always asking for suggestions on what they should do. They simply need somebody to listen to how they have been feeling. Allow them to speak everything they need to say to those who are truly listening.

Stop Minimising Their Experiences

How to support someone who has had a miscarriage? Whatever you choose, do not minimise the pregnancy’s loss. It makes no difference if the miscarriage happened 4 months ago. It is still a loss. Use “at least” sentences carefully. For example, such as “at least it happened early.” That is a way to make your friend/sister/ relative feel abandoned and misunderstood.

Acknowledge The Loss

Many mothers and couples who have lost a baby feel lonely and alone in their grief. Some people may believe that they aren’t permitted to mourn. Perhaps, because they miscarried prematurely or never met their child.

Nothing should prevent someone from grieving for their child or the future they had planned. You may be concerned that you don’t know what to say or that it’s best not to say anything at all. However, simply acknowledging someone’s loss can be quite beneficial. Simply express your regret for what has happened. Hence, you are there for them.

Use The Words Carefully

Some words that are regularly said to someone who has had a miscarriage are not very helpful. It’s natural to want to cheer someone up and encourage them about the future and their prospects of having a healthy baby. However, statements such as “everything happens for a reason,” “you can always try again,” or “at least you weren’t too far along” can be extremely upsetting. You may be trying to be comforting. But, comments like this can come across as cliché and dismissive, as if you’re not taking what’s happened seriously.

Help Them In Getting Help

We all attempt to be around the people we care about. But, sometimes people require more than we can provide. If your beloved one is struggling and you think they need professional help. Perhaps, you can help them find it. Some people, for example, find it helpful to chat with others who have experienced a similar experience. Others may find it helpful to consult with a professional.

Show That You Support Them

How to support someone who has had a miscarriage?. We all make an effort to be present for those we care about. However, there are situations when people needed more than we can offer. If your loved one is in distress and you believe they require professional assistance. Maybe you can help them find it. Some individuals, for example, find it helpful to talk with others who have had similar experiences. Some may find it best to talk with a professional.

Always Remember To Check In With Them

Even as time passes, your friend/sister may still be in pain as a result of their loss. Make sure to keep in touch as the month’s pass.

At Epsychonline, there is a self-help course on ” Coping With Chronic Pain”. You may even find it interesting to read more about ” Coping With Loss And The Mourning Period After Loss” to understand what to say to someone who has had a miscarriage and how to support someone who has had a miscarriage.